The "Real Deal" on Sleep Deprivation

When you become pregnant, one of the things you may hear most often from other parents, especially mothers, is "Enjoy your sleep while you can because you won't get much after the baby comes!" accompanied by giggles and smiles.  I heard this all the time when I was pregnant and I thought "Well, I'm not sure I can actually "enjoy" my sleep, but okay." I didn't really understand what everyone was talking about. It sounded more like an inside joke than anything I should worry about. Well, now I know. And I want to give you the "real deal" on what everyone is talking about when they say this.

Don't bother enjoying your sleep or getting more of it because there isn't anything you can do about future sleep that you might miss. You can't stockpile sleep. So, these veiled warnings about sleep are not very helpful. But here's what you can do:

- Plan for the fact that you will be extremely sleep deprived once your baby comes and for at least the first three months postpartum, possibly even 6 months or a year afterward, depending on your baby's sleep habits (or the lack thereof!).

- Be determined to get as much sleep as you can after the baby arrives. And I don't mean to nonchalantly ponder the idea--no, I mean be more determined about this than you've been about just about any other thing in your life. It really is no joking matter, and I'm not joking.

- Talk to you husband or partner and let him (or her) know that you intend to rely on him as the other parent to make sure you get the sleep you need, or at least as much as you can. Tell him that you will expect him to do father duty in the middle of the night, just as he does during the day. Most fathers (and partners) don't have to be told, they automatically do this. But if you know that your partner tends more toward the selfish, lazy, thoughtless, or inconsiderate side, prep him now. Do it nicely, but let it be known in no uncertain terms that you are not superwoman and you have no intention of being supermom. Tell him that newborns eat every 2-3 hours (sometimes every hour) 24 hours a day and that you are only human and must get your sleep, along with everyone else. One of the problems with this topic is that many new mothers feel guilty asking their partner to contribute to the middle-of-the-night feedings because "he has to go to work in the morning." That's very thoughtful and considerate of you. But, the truth is that so do you. And the difference is that, depending on the kind of job he (or she) has, you will be constantly on your feet and responding to the needs of your newborn with little or no breaks, while he will have the opportunity to sit down once in a while without having to jump up and care for a crying baby.

- Make a strategic plan for help and support. This means being proactive now, while you're still pregnant, to anticipate what kinds of tasks/responsibilities friends and family will be able to help you with after the birth and solicit their help--formally. Make them commit to helping you during the first three months. If they love you and care about you (and your baby) they will gladly commit. (See my post on creating a Preemptive Postpartum Plan for Support.) Then, and this is very important so listen up, take naps when they are over helping you. The most common thing I hear from mothers is how much they underestimated their need for sleep and didn't take advantage of opportunities to nap when they had the time.

- Plan to nap when your baby naps. Yes, the dishes may be dirty and the floor may need to be swept. Ignore this. One of THE most important things you will need postpartum is sleep. And it will be up to you to make sure you get it. No one else can make you sleep (or your baby, as you will soon find out :).

- If you can afford it, hire a night nurse or nanny. Not to take over at night or during the day, but to give you breaks because the #1 need you will have is someone to give you a break from caring for your darling son or daughter.

Now, here's what you need to know about sleep deprivation that you may not know, so that you don't underestimate your need for sleep during the postpartum "high" you may be feeling after the birth:

1. You will underestimate your need for sleep. Count on it. Some people only need 6 hours of sleep per night. The way you can tell if you're one of those people is to determine how many hours of sleep you needed before you became pregnant. That's how much sleep you'll need after the birth to function at your best (possibly more since you'll be recovering from 9 months of pregnancy and then the physical act of giving birth).

2. When you feel irritable, depressed, nervous, confused, or inadequate as you tend to your newborn, some of these feelings and moods are due to the lack of sleep, rather than your ability to be a good mother or the circumstances you find yourself in, such as breastfeeding or sleeping problems with your newborn. When you're sleep deprived, things that normally wouldn't faze you may irritate you or send your self-confidence into a tailspin. Sleep affects our moods dramatically. You'll discover this when you experience the difference between missing out on a lot of sleep and getting a full night's sleep. Remember that sleep is used as a torture method. And it is effective because it is one of the most important needs a person has other than air, water, and food. You can feel like you're going crazy if you are too sleep deprived. And you can't "catch up" to missed sleep, according to experts. But the more sleep you get the better you will feel. 

3. Even cat naps can affect your mood for the better, so don't fall into the trap of thinking that you can't get more than 1/2 hour of sleep so why bother. Take what you can get during these early months.

4. You will not be able to keep up the same personal and domestic level of style or cleanliness that you did in your pre-mom days (unless you have a full-time nanny and housekeeper). This is a fact. Don't try to be a perfectionistic supermom or glamourmom. Leave that for the Hollywood moms who have the millions of dollars to hire nannies, trainers, hairdressers, gardeners, housekeepers, chefs, etc. Accept your limitations and accept that during these early months you simply may not be able to have perfectly coiffed hair or an immaculately clean and stylish house like you used to. I had to get used to this and it was very difficult. Leave your ego in the delivery room. You'll get back to your stylish self again in time. Right now just focus on yours and your babies needs. You really won't have any time for anything else.

So, I hope that I have been able to convince you of the importance of this issue and that you will prepare yourself so that a) you're not taken by surprise and, b) you get the sleep you need. You and your baby will be better off for it. 

Guest Blogger, Meagan Francis Writes About "Mom's Groups"

When I was pregnant with my first baby eleven years ago, I read everything I could get my hands on. I checked out every book on birth, breastfeeding, or parenting from the library and devoured each one. I subscribed to magazines like Parenting and Parents and read every issue cover to cover. But when I brought my son home from the hospital, I felt isolated and confused: home alone for most of the day, just me and my son, I found that reading wasn't enough. I needed to see how other real-life moms were handling big issues like feeding and sleep, as well as the smaller, day-to-day stuff: which diapers really prevented leaks? How did other new moms manage to take a shower?

In some ways, things have gotten better since my son was born. After all, "back then" there were just a handful of parenting resources online, and now there are thousands of blogs and websites an expecting or new mom can go to for advice or commiseration. But while a 'net' connection can be lifesaving for an isolated mom, nothing beats the interaction and hands-on help an in-real-life moms group can offer. After all, as Aviva Pflock, co-author of Mommy Guilt (you can find Aviva and her co-author, Devra Renner, at their website: www.Parentopia.net) told me in a recent interview: "An online community is great, but it can't jump in and babysit for you in an emergency."

Why seek out a mom's group in your community? Here are a few good reasons:

Resources: Whether it's finding a pediatrician who's in line with your values or locating the perfect preschool, moms need to be able to network with other moms to find out resources that are available in their community.

Help: Every mom needs a few friends she can count on for emergency child-care or help with a big task.

Advice and Information:Moms are the best experts on parenting issues, and new moms really benefit from the wisdom and advice of other moms who have been there or are going through similar issues.

Encouragement and Support: That listening ear from another mom who's been there is so important during the rocky days of motherhood. Just being around other moms and watching how they interact with their children can relieve the anxiety a mom might feel about whether she's "doing it right."

Wellbeing for Mom and Baby: Strong social networks are tied to lower incidences of depression, which can affect mothers and their children.

Friendship: After having a child, old friendships often change or fall away. New mothers often find themselves lonely and isolated, and need to find other women they can connect with.

If you're still pregnant, now is the time to start looking for other moms to connect with. Once your baby is actually here, you may find that you're tired or overwhelmed, and it's harder to reach out. Plus, you'll probably have plenty of questions and need some helping hands when your baby is little! If your baby's already here, don't hesitate--reach out! Here are some websites that might help you locate other moms in your area: www.mothersandmore.org, www.momsclub.org, and www.mops.org. 

You can also ask your obstetrician, midwife, doula, childbirth educator or pediatrician if he or she knows of any groups, or check with your local park district, library, community center or YMCA.

Or you can start your own group--post a flyer wherever the moms in your community hang out, or get on www.meetup.com and launch your own mom gathering. 

Original post on New Mom Central.

Meagan Francis is a mother of four,  mom's group leader, and author of "The Everything Health Guide to Postpartum Care." She is also working on a book about motherhood and friendship. You can find out more about Meagan at her website: www.meaganfrancis.com.

Expectant mothers and first-time mothers: Prepare for Major Life Changes

Most first-time mothers are unprepared for the major life changes and hard work that accompany the advent into motherhood. It takes time to adapt to any major life transition and a woman's transition to motherhood is one of the most difficult and overwhelming life transitions she will experience. Unfortunately, Western society idealizes motherhood so much that many expectant mothers have fairy tale expectations of what it will be like to become a mother. In this sense, they approach impending motherhood more like Sleeping Beauties than informed mothers-to-be.

Some women read books about what to expect when they're pregnant and then move on to books about what to expect after their baby is born. Unfortunately, most books only cover the caretaking responsibilities of baby and the recovery of the new mother. They do not cover the many other aspects of new motherhood that affect a woman once she gives birth. As helpful as these books can be for learning about the physical aspects of a woman's pregnant and post-birth body, or the practical aspects of meeting the needs of a newborn, they cannot prepare you for the tumultuous postpartum period that you are about to experience. Consequently, far from feeling like a benevolent maternal figure after the birth of your baby, you may find yourself in a whirlwind of chaos and confusion as you struggle to care for your new baby, while also trying to adapt to the major life change you are going through. Even if you are excited about becoming a mother, you may long for the simplicity of your old life.

Your life will change dramatically once you bring your baby home. You will be immersed in the needs and the wonder of your baby, all of your time will be devoted to the duties of motherhood, and you may feel completely isolated as you tend to the almost hourly needs of your newborn. You will not be able to socialize like you used to, and you will most certainly not be able to do any hobbies that you used to do. You will not be able to "get up and go" like you were used to, or even watch TV or read when you want to. Your time and attention will be completely usurped by this new experience and by your little bundle. But this will only last for approximately three months and then, as your baby continues to grow you will become more experienced at motherhood, your baby won't need to be tended to quite as often as when she was a newborn, and she may even begin to sleep for longer periods of time (the operative word here is "may").

As you find yourself more confined to your home during those first three months, and as you put 100% of your attention and focus onto your baby, you may begin to feel like you don't exist any more or that you no longer matter. This is a normal reaction for many women. Again, it is a temporary phase. It is natural for you to have an undivided focus on your newborn because it helps you learn how to be a mother, meet your baby's needs, and bond with your baby. However, you will need to take some breaks, for your sake and for your baby's. Almost every mother I have met has said that in hindsight, although she didn't want to leave her baby for a second, she should have taken breaks now and then so that she could nap, get out of the house, and simply take care of herself.

Rare is the new mother who doesn't experience stress, confusion, anxiety, or even resentment when she becomes a mother for the first time. So, don't expect to "breeze through" your first three months (unless, of course, you are a star in Hollywood and can afford a full-time nanny, housekeeper, and cook!). Take it one day at a time, make sure you spend time caressing your baby, rocking her, singing to her, and talking to her, and try not to worry too much. Things will fall into place. It may not feel like they are going to while you're in this learning phase, but time will pass, you will breathe again, and your baby will get cuter and cuter. :)


Original post on New Mom Central.

[expectant mothers]
[first-time mothers]
[women]
[motherhood]
[postpartum]
[life transition]
[new mother]
[mother]
[newborn]
[baby]

Expectant Mothers and First-time Moms-- Some "Real" Advice from "Real Live" Moms

Here is some advice from some "real live" moms on making the transition to motherhood:

"Forget the pressure of breastfeeding. Do what works for you and your baby."
Bernadette, mother of 2

"Ask guests to bring something in (like a meal) or take something out (like the garbage) when they visit during the early months after birth."
Melanie Bowden, mother of 2, postpartum doula, author of Why Didn't Anyone Tell Me? and Spit Up On My Shoulder

"There's no such thing as perfect. Lower your standards, and you'll be amazed at how happy you can be with less."
Christine Louise Hohlbaum, mother of 2, Editor of "Powerful Families, Powerful Lives" newsletter; Author of Diary of a Mother, SAHM I Am: Tales of a Stay-at-Home Mom in Europe, and Mama’s Musings

"Things will get better after a while."
Stephanie, mother of 3

"Put yourself first. Carve out time for yourself. If you're not happy or taken care of it's more stressful. Also, if you're breastfeeding, take your husband with you to the class."
Pam, mother of 2



Original post on New Mom Central.

New Mothers and First-time Mothers: A Sense of Isolation

One aspect of the transformation to motherhood that comes as a surprise to many women is the sense of isolation they feel from being restricted to the house every day to care for their newborns. This isolation is felt more keenly if a new mother has little or no support and few visitors. After the excitement of the birth of my babies had died down and my husband returned to work, I found myself on my own to care for my newborns. That is when I experienced my first sense of isolation. It took time for me to switch from being active and independent one day, to suddenly finding myself alone with two preverbal newborns all day.

Many women are shocked to discover just how restrictive being at home all day, every day, can feel. I believe being housebound plays an important role in the amount of stress and depression a first-time mother experiences during her first three months postpartum. Her baby is still too young and has too many immediate needs for her to spend much time away from home yet, so she finds herself at home virtually every day and night. This lack of freedom to come and go can be very difficult to adapt to. She may even feel like she is in prison at times, in spite of her love for and devotion to her new baby. The only escape she has from this "domestic prison" is visitors. If she does not have many visitors, then the happiness she feels being with her newborn can become overshadowed by feelings of isolation and loneliness.

A woman can experience this sense of isolation even if she did not work prior to becoming a mother. Most women are at least out and about with their friends and family and not sitting at home alone all day. But after a woman has a baby her world shrinks. Once the excitement of the birth is over visitors often slow down to a trickle, leaving a new mother feeling isolated and alone. She can no longer just “get up and go” whenever she wants to, not even for a quick trip to the grocery store. At first, she may not be aware of how much time she is spending at home because she is so busy with her new responsibilities and so happy with her new bundle of joy. But after the first month or so most women are “itching” to get out of the house. If she is planning to return to work soon she will at least have this to look forward to as a way of getting back into the “real” world. But if she has decided to be a career mother or a full-time SAHM the sudden transition to being at home every day can be a difficult adjustment for her to make.

If you receive adequate support from your partner, friends, and family to allow you to continue doing some of the same activities you enjoyed prior to becoming a mother, e.g. going out to eat, seeing a movie or play, or just hanging out with friends, it will help you feel like you still matter as an individual. Granted, you will not be able to go out as often as you used to, but a few outings now and then will help you to feel more like your old self and reduce the isolation you feel. The only way this will happen is if someone else is around so that you can take time for yourself. The good news is that the need to be housebound is temporary, although it can sometimes feel like it will last forever. Eventually, most mothers forge friendships with other mothers, connect with mothers at local kiddie parks, and join mother’s groups, allowing them to get out of the house, to socialize, and to feel more like themselves.

If you are a new mother, I cannot stress enough the importance of getting out of the house, both with your baby AND by yourself, once in a while so that you don't feel lonely and isolated being at home by yourself all day. If you have enough visitors and don't want to go out by yourself, that's fine. But take some time for yourself and away from your baby. As much as you love your newborn, sometimes you need a break. If you don't want to take my word for it, here's a link to an article that may give you some idea why it's important to take time for yourself. :)


Original post on New Mom Central.

[new mothers]
[first-time mother]
[isolation]
[motherhood]
[mothers]
[postpartum]

What first-time mothers need to know about newborns

Prior to becoming a mother, I had assumed that newborns "arrived" fully developed and that all they really needed was a lot of love and basic care. When I was pregnant I fantasized about breastfeeding in my rocking chair with my babies gazing up at me and me looking down at them adoringly with my hair cascading around their little cherub faces--the perfect mother-infant symbiotic relationship. If they cried (which would be rarely because they would just know how much I loved them) I pictured myself soothing them with hugs and kisses and singing to them until they calmed down. Unfortunately, this was not to be the case, much to my surprise. Instead, I watched as they struggled with gas pains, painful bowel movements, an immature nervous system, an undeveloped biological clock, acid reflux, colic, and the inability to fall asleep and stay asleep on their own. I quickly learned how difficult it can sometimes be to care for a newborn baby.

Why is caring for a newborn baby so difficult sometimes? Dr. Harvey Karp, in his book The Happiest Baby on the Block, calls the first three months of a baby's life the "4th trimester" because he believes that a baby is not yet ready to come out of the womb. His theory is that all newborn babies could use another trimester in the womb but that their heads would be too big for the birth canal if they waited, so they arrive three months early. In addition, a newborn's physiological system is not yet fully mature when she is born. Consequently, she can experience discomfort and even pain, which can lead to periods of inconsolable crying, causing even more stress for the new mother. So here we have a baby who is not yet ready to be out of the womb and a new mother who has never taken care of a newborn before. One can understand how this can easily become a scenario ripe with the potential for overwhelming stress as both mother and baby adapt to their new environments.

If a first-time mother receives the help she needs, and has someone who can show her how to help her baby through any difficulties that might come up, she will better understand what her newborn might be going through. Many new mothers do not understand the problems that some newborns have and can suffer emotionally if their baby is crying inconsolably and nothing they do seems to help. This increases their stress and can affect their confidence in their ability to be a good mother, which can exacerbate any postpartum depression they may be having.

If you are an expectant mother, or a new mother, it is important to learn as much as you can about newborns. The more you understand the less you will panic when your baby is in distress. Some babies have an easier time of it than others, so if your baby is having a difficult time you need to understand that it is unlikely it is anything that you are doing. Most new mothers I have met are very conscientious and try to learn everything they can about taking care of newborns so that their baby can get her needs met and be a happy baby. But it is easy to fall into the trap of "mother guilt" in our Western culture and think that if your baby is unhappy it is your fault. Don't do this to yourself. Know that you are doing the best you can and learn as much as you can via the Internet, books, pediatricians and other experts, and other mothers. Your newborn will be fine and so will you once the 3 months have passed. And always check with your pediatrician if your baby consistently cries inconsolably to rule out any health problems.

As an adjunct to this topic, here's an informative blog post for how to discern your baby's distinctive cries.


Original post on New Mom Central.

[Harvey Karp]
[4th trimester]
[babies]
[newborn]
[baby]
[new mother]
[first-time mother]
[motherhood]
[expectant mother]
[women]
[postpartum]

First-Time Mothers and the First Three Months Postpartum

Your life circumstances at the time you give birth can have a big impact on your experience during your first three months as a new mom. There are many factors that influence a new mother’s experience during her first three months postpartum. Here are just some examples:

• How much support you have
• Your financial situation
• Your age
• If you have multiple newborns to care for
• If you have a caring and involved partner
• Whether or not there are breastfeeding or other newborn problems
• Current and/or prior mental health issues
• Hormones
• How you feel about yourself and about becoming a mother
• The temperament of your newborn
• The prematurity of your newborn
• Complications from the birth or a ceasarean birth

There is no "one shoe fits all" experience. Many women expect a fairy-tale experience after they give birth and, granted, some women do have this experience. But others have a more difficult time of it and this is okay. There is a lot of pressure for all women to have the same experience and this is not only unfair, it is unrealistic. It is important that you accept your unique experience in becoming a mother. The fact is that this is a new experience for you. Let it unfold the way it is meant to for you. If you need someone to talk to, find someone. And whatever you do, don't feel guilty. Time passes and emotions are transient--they will pass, too.* Your newborn will continue to grow and as she does you will develop your mother skills and become more confident.

The first three months after you give birth may be one of the most difficult aspects of your transition to motherhood because, let's face it, you have never been a mother before and have a lot to learn. But it is also a unique period of time for enjoying the miracle of your new baby and building that all-important maternal bond with her or him.

* If you have depressive feelings that never seem to let up, please talk to a professional right away.


Original post on New Mom Central.

[first-time mothers]
[first-time mother]
[postpartum]
[first three months]
[birth]
[first baby]
[newborn]
[maternal bond]
[hormones]
[prematurity]
[new mom]
[new mother]

First-time Mothers: Create a "New Mother Preemptive Postpartum Plan for Support"

If you are an expectant mother, it is important that you prepare for your first three months postpartum. Do not assume that you will have all the help you need once you have your baby. People can be full of good intentions and still fall short of providing you the assistance you need once your baby arrives. They may simply forget, they may assume that you have all the help you need, or they may simply not want to intrude or interfere. Whatever the reason, if you do not have enough help as a first time mother it is up to you to be your own advocate and ask for help.

Creating a Preemptive Postpartum Plan will help you set up a support system of people to take care of most of the chores and tasks that will need to be done during your training period so you can focus your full attention on your baby. Create a list of chores that will need to be done on a regular basis for the first three months postpartum and a list of support people who will agree to do those chores. The more people you have to take care of those chores, the less you will have to do yourself and the more you can focus on being a new mom and caring for your baby. Ideally, you will want to have this plan in place before you give birth. Creating a plan before you give birth allows you to put everything in place so that you do not have to worry about anything except caring for and enjoying your new baby. If you are unable to create your plan until after the birth, then by all means do so (better late than never).

Original post on New Mom Central.

[postpartum]
[new mother]
[stress]
[joy]
[birth]
[newborn]
[strategies]
[ten]
[birth]
[support]
[baby]
[expectant mother]

New Mothers and Sleep Deprivation

One of the most difficult needs for a new mom to get met is sleep. Most babies don't start sleeping through the night until after the first 3 months postpartum (some many months afterwards). During this time, a new mom is up either breastfeeding or bottle feeding her baby usually every 2-3 hours, 24 hours a day. So, what's a new mom to do? The first thing you need to do is set up your support system (that network of friends and family who are generous enough to give you some of their valuable time) so that you can take naps. Also, have your life partner/spouse take over one or more of the overnight feedings a couple of times a week so that you can get more than a couple hours of sleep at a time. Or, you can hire a night nurse or nanny. That would certainly simplify things.

Many new mothers believe that they can function well on just a few hours of sleep a night. According to an informal survey published in Parents.com, many new mothers reported feeling “generally well-rested…[on] less than six hours of sleep a night.” Part of this attitude reflects a feeling of “new-parent joy…[and] adrenaline,” according to Isadora Fox, but part of it also reflects the inability of these women to predict how sleepy they are.

As a first time mother you need your rest so that you can continue to have the energy to respond to your baby. Chronic sleep deprivation leads to lower energy, irritability, anxiety, and depression, as well as memory lapses, a reduced ability to concentrate, a shorter attention span, tiredness, a reduced ability to tolerate stress, and changes in appetite. Even if you do not feel tired, you may notice that you are easily frustrated, or more irritable, sleepy at certain times of the day, or forgetful. Pay attention to signs of sleep deprivation. If you find, for example, that you have just put the milk into the cupboard and the cereal box into the fridge, it is a clear sign that you are not getting enough sleep.

One mother's succinct description for how to know if you're sleep-deprived describes it best...





Original post on New Mom Central.

First-time Mothers and Postpartum Depression Study

If you are currently experiencing postpartum depression, you might be interested in participating in this study. Don't be afraid to seek help if you feel depressed. You are not alone and seeking help is the best thing you can do.

Here's the link to the study:

Postpartum Depression Study

Here's a link to a blog written by a mother who shares her personal story with postpartum depression:

Mom's Personal Story

Baby Blues

Experiencing the "baby blues" is common after giving birth, especially after the first baby. According to the Center for Postpartum Adjustment 50-80% of women experience postpartum baby blues. While the common consensus among health professionals is that the baby blues is caused by hormones, I believe that the major life changes occurring in a woman's life after she gives birth, as well as the changes in her personal life rhythm, venturing into the "unknown" and not fully understanding newborns or how to be a mother, as well as sleep deprivation, a loss of the ability to tend to her own needs, and many other factors, all contribute to the "baby blues." The symptoms of the "baby blues" are very similar to the symptoms of culture shock. When someone travels to a foreign culture and has to interact with people she does not know and suddenly adhere to traditions, life rhythms, and a foreign language that are new to her, she experiences culture shock. When a woman delivers her first baby and makes her first foray into motherhood, she is dealing with many of the same issues (unless she has been a nanny or has experience dealing with a newborn).

If you are experiencing sadness, irritability, confusion, etc. here is a link to a website about the baby blues that may be helpful:

http://www.babybluesconnection.org/


Original post on New Mom Central.

Becoming a new mother

The first three months after the birth of a woman’s first child is one of the least understood aspects of motherhood, yet it is also one of the most important times during the transition to motherhood. Rarely is the woman who does not remember her first three months postpartum after the birth of her first child. Why is the first three months so significant in the transition to motherhood?

The first three months postpartum is a time when mother and baby are getting to know each other and adjusting to the major life change that has brought them together. For the new mother it is a time for getting her bearings on her new life role and developing her maternal skills by learning how to take care of her newborn. For the newborn, it is a time for adjusting to life outside the womb with a body that is not quite fully mature yet and can sometimes cause him discomfort or pain. This is also the time during which colic develops, a painful experience for the newborn that gets it.
In addition to adjusting to the idea of being a mother and getting to know her new baby, there are a variety of issues that can affect a woman after she gives birth—especially if she is a first-time mother. Her emotional and mental state will affect her mood and her initial experience of being a mother, which in turn can affect her confidence in herself as a mother. The types of issues that can occur vary, e.g. mental health problems, physical and hormonal changes, sleep deprivation, difficult personal situations, the absence of an adequate support system, the physical strain of labor or C-section delivery, fear of pre-term delivery, the break-up of a primary relationship or another major loss, a history of depression or other mental illness, etc.

It is important for women to understand that there are many factors that affect their experience as first-time mothers. It isn't always joy and bliss, and it isn't always anxiety and exhaustion. It just depends on your situation. However, for far too many mothers in the U.S. (and other Western cultures) there is little help or guidance on doing one of the most important tasks for our species: taking care of its young. So, as a result, many women do not know what they are doing and feel very overwhelmed and nervous when they have their first baby. Even a woman's mother is often unable or reluctant to assist her in developing her maternal skills. Becoming a mother is one of the most life-changing events that will ever happen to a woman and she needs some guidance and help if she is to get through it with the joy and bliss that she expects. So, try to make sure that you get help if you are going to have a baby. And, don't wait for others to offer help, ASK FOR IT! Never be afraid to ask for what you need. Everyone needs help sometimes, and new mothers need lots of it. That being said, I am aware that there are women who feel they need no help and that is fine. Maybe they have experience, maybe they have a natural inclination, maybe they have a nanny or regular daily help from their mothers. Whatever the case, it doesn't matter. Every woman's experience is different and every woman needs different things to get her through one of the most difficult periods of motherhood--the first three months postpartum after the first baby.


Original post on New Mom Central.

[expectant mom]
[mother]
[new mom]
[postpartum]
[women]
[newborn]

Welcome to Motherhood: The first three months

Hi new moms and expectant moms,
The purpose of this blog is to help new moms and expectant moms cope with the reality of and stress of the first three months postpartum since becoming a mother for the first time. becoming a mother is not like putting on a new pair of shoes. It is a major transformation which begins during pregnancy and evolves over time. The first three months is one of the most difficult times in a woman's life as she struggles to learn how to be a mother and to deal with the major upheavals in her life that becoming a new mother has brought. In this blog I will be posting different ideas (hopefully every day) to validate you if you are already a new mom going through your first three months postpartum and to enlighten and prepare you if you are an expecting mom. i hope you find this blog useful! :)


Original post at New Mom Central.