First-time mothers: Going it alone

One of the most difficult parts about the first three months postpartum as a new mom can be taking care of your newborn by yourself. Many fathers take time off work to spend with their wives and new babies, but once they return to work a first-time mother who has not developed a support system of other mothers, or whose family and friends are not there to help her or visit with her, can begin to feel very lonely. Without help or visitors you can find yourself on your own caring for your newborn throughout the day, every day, without the breaks you need to recoup and rest. In addition, if you have no prior experience or proper mentoring or instruction on caring for your newborn, you will find yourself in the unique bind of having to figure out how to care for your infant.

Many new mothers learn as much as they can about newborn care by reading books, asking a lot of questions, and perusing the Internet. These are all wonderful ways to learn about newborns. You can also seek answers to your questions from your pediatrician and other mothers, talk to mothers at the local kiddie park, join new mom chat rooms, etc. There are many ways to find the information you need for just about every question you may have about caring for your newborn. The key is to take what you learn, try it out, and then decide for yourself whether it is right for you and your baby or not.

If you experience loneliness during your first three months as a new mother, there are things that you can do to feel less lonely. Some women are okay with the isolation they experience and even say that it is nice to have the time to just focus on the baby or that they are homebodies, anyway, so it doesn't bother them to be alone at home all day. Other women, however, are more social oriented and do not tolerate isolation very well and can become lonely. Depending on how isolated you are and how you feel about it, it can become very important to do something about it because your feelings of loneliness can influence your experience of postpartum depression.

It is important to plan ahead for the possibility of feelings of isolation and loneliness. If you know that you are the type of person who needs social stimulation and to get out of the house on a regular basis, make sure you have a plan for doing just that. One mother I interviewed said that she joined a mom's club when she was still pregnant and began to join the other moms for walks and playdates with their children before she even gave birth. She said that this "saved her life" because she needs the stimulation of other adults and does not like to be indoors all the time. Other women make sure they get together with their friends after they give birth (as soon as the pediatrician has given the okay for the baby to be outside and around other people) or they make it part of their daily or weekly schedule to take their baby for walks to the nearest park or coffee shop. I used to take my twins to the local Starbucks and neighborhood parks where I found the interactions with other mothers to be a welcome relief from my own sense of isolation, or sometimes if I was going to go stir crazy on any given day (I'm one who needs to go out of the house at least once a day or I will go stir-crazy) I would just go for a walk around the block. Not easy to do with two newborns, but it did a world of good for my mental well-being.

It is a good idea to think ahead to after you give birth and try to set a plan or structure in place to meet your social needs. That way you won't feel abandoned by others or "imprisoned" by the four walls of your home, which you will get to know REALLY well during those first few months!


Original post on New Mom Central.

[first-time mother]
[new mother]
[expectant mother]
[loneliness]
[isolation]
[baby]
[infant]
[new mom]

New Mothers and First-time Mothers: A Sense of Isolation

One aspect of the transformation to motherhood that comes as a surprise to many women is the sense of isolation they feel from being restricted to the house every day to care for their newborns. This isolation is felt more keenly if a new mother has little or no support and few visitors. After the excitement of the birth of my babies had died down and my husband returned to work, I found myself on my own to care for my newborns. That is when I experienced my first sense of isolation. It took time for me to switch from being active and independent one day, to suddenly finding myself alone with two preverbal newborns all day.

Many women are shocked to discover just how restrictive being at home all day, every day, can feel. I believe being housebound plays an important role in the amount of stress and depression a first-time mother experiences during her first three months postpartum. Her baby is still too young and has too many immediate needs for her to spend much time away from home yet, so she finds herself at home virtually every day and night. This lack of freedom to come and go can be very difficult to adapt to. She may even feel like she is in prison at times, in spite of her love for and devotion to her new baby. The only escape she has from this "domestic prison" is visitors. If she does not have many visitors, then the happiness she feels being with her newborn can become overshadowed by feelings of isolation and loneliness.

A woman can experience this sense of isolation even if she did not work prior to becoming a mother. Most women are at least out and about with their friends and family and not sitting at home alone all day. But after a woman has a baby her world shrinks. Once the excitement of the birth is over visitors often slow down to a trickle, leaving a new mother feeling isolated and alone. She can no longer just “get up and go” whenever she wants to, not even for a quick trip to the grocery store. At first, she may not be aware of how much time she is spending at home because she is so busy with her new responsibilities and so happy with her new bundle of joy. But after the first month or so most women are “itching” to get out of the house. If she is planning to return to work soon she will at least have this to look forward to as a way of getting back into the “real” world. But if she has decided to be a career mother or a full-time SAHM the sudden transition to being at home every day can be a difficult adjustment for her to make.

If you receive adequate support from your partner, friends, and family to allow you to continue doing some of the same activities you enjoyed prior to becoming a mother, e.g. going out to eat, seeing a movie or play, or just hanging out with friends, it will help you feel like you still matter as an individual. Granted, you will not be able to go out as often as you used to, but a few outings now and then will help you to feel more like your old self and reduce the isolation you feel. The only way this will happen is if someone else is around so that you can take time for yourself. The good news is that the need to be housebound is temporary, although it can sometimes feel like it will last forever. Eventually, most mothers forge friendships with other mothers, connect with mothers at local kiddie parks, and join mother’s groups, allowing them to get out of the house, to socialize, and to feel more like themselves.

If you are a new mother, I cannot stress enough the importance of getting out of the house, both with your baby AND by yourself, once in a while so that you don't feel lonely and isolated being at home by yourself all day. If you have enough visitors and don't want to go out by yourself, that's fine. But take some time for yourself and away from your baby. As much as you love your newborn, sometimes you need a break. If you don't want to take my word for it, here's a link to an article that may give you some idea why it's important to take time for yourself. :)


Original post on New Mom Central.

[new mothers]
[first-time mother]
[isolation]
[motherhood]
[mothers]
[postpartum]