"Real Live" Advice from Experienced Moms

"Do not be afraid to ask for help or advice. All moms know exactly how you are feeling and how hard motherhood can be."

Michele, mother of 1

"Time frames for development, umbilical cord healing, and circumcision healing are guesses. They are not exact and don't ring true for every child."

Stephanie, mother of 2

"You should hold your baby as much as you want. I have been told repeatedly that it is NOT possible to spoil an infant. You cannot spoil them until they are old enough to manipulate situations."

Sarah, mother of 2

Original post on New Mom Central.

Guest Blogger, Meagan Francis Writes About "Mom's Groups"

When I was pregnant with my first baby eleven years ago, I read everything I could get my hands on. I checked out every book on birth, breastfeeding, or parenting from the library and devoured each one. I subscribed to magazines like Parenting and Parents and read every issue cover to cover. But when I brought my son home from the hospital, I felt isolated and confused: home alone for most of the day, just me and my son, I found that reading wasn't enough. I needed to see how other real-life moms were handling big issues like feeding and sleep, as well as the smaller, day-to-day stuff: which diapers really prevented leaks? How did other new moms manage to take a shower?

In some ways, things have gotten better since my son was born. After all, "back then" there were just a handful of parenting resources online, and now there are thousands of blogs and websites an expecting or new mom can go to for advice or commiseration. But while a 'net' connection can be lifesaving for an isolated mom, nothing beats the interaction and hands-on help an in-real-life moms group can offer. After all, as Aviva Pflock, co-author of Mommy Guilt (you can find Aviva and her co-author, Devra Renner, at their website: www.Parentopia.net) told me in a recent interview: "An online community is great, but it can't jump in and babysit for you in an emergency."

Why seek out a mom's group in your community? Here are a few good reasons:

Resources: Whether it's finding a pediatrician who's in line with your values or locating the perfect preschool, moms need to be able to network with other moms to find out resources that are available in their community.

Help: Every mom needs a few friends she can count on for emergency child-care or help with a big task.

Advice and Information:Moms are the best experts on parenting issues, and new moms really benefit from the wisdom and advice of other moms who have been there or are going through similar issues.

Encouragement and Support: That listening ear from another mom who's been there is so important during the rocky days of motherhood. Just being around other moms and watching how they interact with their children can relieve the anxiety a mom might feel about whether she's "doing it right."

Wellbeing for Mom and Baby: Strong social networks are tied to lower incidences of depression, which can affect mothers and their children.

Friendship: After having a child, old friendships often change or fall away. New mothers often find themselves lonely and isolated, and need to find other women they can connect with.

If you're still pregnant, now is the time to start looking for other moms to connect with. Once your baby is actually here, you may find that you're tired or overwhelmed, and it's harder to reach out. Plus, you'll probably have plenty of questions and need some helping hands when your baby is little! If your baby's already here, don't hesitate--reach out! Here are some websites that might help you locate other moms in your area: www.mothersandmore.org, www.momsclub.org, and www.mops.org. 

You can also ask your obstetrician, midwife, doula, childbirth educator or pediatrician if he or she knows of any groups, or check with your local park district, library, community center or YMCA.

Or you can start your own group--post a flyer wherever the moms in your community hang out, or get on www.meetup.com and launch your own mom gathering. 

Original post on New Mom Central.

Meagan Francis is a mother of four,  mom's group leader, and author of "The Everything Health Guide to Postpartum Care." She is also working on a book about motherhood and friendship. You can find out more about Meagan at her website: www.meaganfrancis.com.

New mothers and expectant mothers: Advice and encouragement you can "listen" to

Sometimes you get tired of reading and would just like to listen to some good advice, share some humor, or enjoy a great story. Natural Moms Talk Radio is an excellent venue for doing just this.

Carrie Lauth is the host and founder of Natural Moms Talk Radio. She is a home schooling mom of four young children who helps mothers find their own unique style of mothering. She interviews mothers on a variety of motherhood topics, especially in the area of "natural" mothering. Topics range from alternative comfort measures for pregnancy to how to have a good relationship with your child to living a vegan lifestyle. Her show focuses on learning to trust your mothering instincts, not on being perfect. New Mom Central was recently highlighted on her show. You can download the mp3 file at the Natural Moms Talk Radio website or listen to the interview by clicking on the play button to the right of this post.

It's refreshing to be able to go to an online radio show, like Natural Moms Talk Radio, and download information you can listen to at your "leisure." Carrie's archives offer a wide variety of topics you can listen to right now. I encourage you to check them out. And the interviews are only 30 minutes long so it won't take up too much of your time. :)


Original post on New Mom Central.

[new mothers]
[expectant mothers]
[child]
[moms]
[motherhood]
[mothers]
[radio show]
[Natural Moms Talk Radio]

New Mothers and First-time Mothers: A Sense of Isolation

One aspect of the transformation to motherhood that comes as a surprise to many women is the sense of isolation they feel from being restricted to the house every day to care for their newborns. This isolation is felt more keenly if a new mother has little or no support and few visitors. After the excitement of the birth of my babies had died down and my husband returned to work, I found myself on my own to care for my newborns. That is when I experienced my first sense of isolation. It took time for me to switch from being active and independent one day, to suddenly finding myself alone with two preverbal newborns all day.

Many women are shocked to discover just how restrictive being at home all day, every day, can feel. I believe being housebound plays an important role in the amount of stress and depression a first-time mother experiences during her first three months postpartum. Her baby is still too young and has too many immediate needs for her to spend much time away from home yet, so she finds herself at home virtually every day and night. This lack of freedom to come and go can be very difficult to adapt to. She may even feel like she is in prison at times, in spite of her love for and devotion to her new baby. The only escape she has from this "domestic prison" is visitors. If she does not have many visitors, then the happiness she feels being with her newborn can become overshadowed by feelings of isolation and loneliness.

A woman can experience this sense of isolation even if she did not work prior to becoming a mother. Most women are at least out and about with their friends and family and not sitting at home alone all day. But after a woman has a baby her world shrinks. Once the excitement of the birth is over visitors often slow down to a trickle, leaving a new mother feeling isolated and alone. She can no longer just “get up and go” whenever she wants to, not even for a quick trip to the grocery store. At first, she may not be aware of how much time she is spending at home because she is so busy with her new responsibilities and so happy with her new bundle of joy. But after the first month or so most women are “itching” to get out of the house. If she is planning to return to work soon she will at least have this to look forward to as a way of getting back into the “real” world. But if she has decided to be a career mother or a full-time SAHM the sudden transition to being at home every day can be a difficult adjustment for her to make.

If you receive adequate support from your partner, friends, and family to allow you to continue doing some of the same activities you enjoyed prior to becoming a mother, e.g. going out to eat, seeing a movie or play, or just hanging out with friends, it will help you feel like you still matter as an individual. Granted, you will not be able to go out as often as you used to, but a few outings now and then will help you to feel more like your old self and reduce the isolation you feel. The only way this will happen is if someone else is around so that you can take time for yourself. The good news is that the need to be housebound is temporary, although it can sometimes feel like it will last forever. Eventually, most mothers forge friendships with other mothers, connect with mothers at local kiddie parks, and join mother’s groups, allowing them to get out of the house, to socialize, and to feel more like themselves.

If you are a new mother, I cannot stress enough the importance of getting out of the house, both with your baby AND by yourself, once in a while so that you don't feel lonely and isolated being at home by yourself all day. If you have enough visitors and don't want to go out by yourself, that's fine. But take some time for yourself and away from your baby. As much as you love your newborn, sometimes you need a break. If you don't want to take my word for it, here's a link to an article that may give you some idea why it's important to take time for yourself. :)


Original post on New Mom Central.

[new mothers]
[first-time mother]
[isolation]
[motherhood]
[mothers]
[postpartum]

First-time Mothers: Create a "New Mother Preemptive Postpartum Plan for Support"

If you are an expectant mother, it is important that you prepare for your first three months postpartum. Do not assume that you will have all the help you need once you have your baby. People can be full of good intentions and still fall short of providing you the assistance you need once your baby arrives. They may simply forget, they may assume that you have all the help you need, or they may simply not want to intrude or interfere. Whatever the reason, if you do not have enough help as a first time mother it is up to you to be your own advocate and ask for help.

Creating a Preemptive Postpartum Plan will help you set up a support system of people to take care of most of the chores and tasks that will need to be done during your training period so you can focus your full attention on your baby. Create a list of chores that will need to be done on a regular basis for the first three months postpartum and a list of support people who will agree to do those chores. The more people you have to take care of those chores, the less you will have to do yourself and the more you can focus on being a new mom and caring for your baby. Ideally, you will want to have this plan in place before you give birth. Creating a plan before you give birth allows you to put everything in place so that you do not have to worry about anything except caring for and enjoying your new baby. If you are unable to create your plan until after the birth, then by all means do so (better late than never).

Original post on New Mom Central.

[postpartum]
[new mother]
[stress]
[joy]
[birth]
[newborn]
[strategies]
[ten]
[birth]
[support]
[baby]
[expectant mother]

First-time Mothers: Accept Your Postpartum Emotions

Many first time moms in the U.S. are under the misguided belief that they must enjoy absolutely every moment of new motherhood and have a blissful symbiotic relationship with their babies all the time. If they don't then the presumption is that there is something wrong with them as women. This belief stems from the cultural propaganda that all women should feel happy and fulfilled in their roles as mothers. This is not only unrealistic it is unfair. The truth is that you will experience a range of emotions as you go through this major life change. To deny this, or to pretend otherwise, will only increase your stress during this three month period.

Your emotions will fluctuate during your first three months postpartum (and maybe longer) for a variety of reasons. First, your hormones are adjusting from the pregnancy and birth. Second, you are going through a major life transition and all major life transitions evoke a wide range of emotions in those who are going through them. Third, your life rhythm has changed and you are still getting your bearings. And fourth, taking care of a newborn is not always easy and you have a lot to learn.

Other new mothers also experience conflicting emotions , but may try to hide them in an attempt to live up to the ideal image of motherhood. But the truth is that it is just as normal to experience anger, frustration, resentment, and sadness during this time as it is to feel joy, love, wonderment, and gratitude. Sometimes you may revel in the joy of being a new mom, while other times you may wonder what you have gotten yourself into. Accepting the depth and range of your emotions during this time will help you to "surf the wave" of this life-altering transition with greater ease and more joy, and allow you to develop your own unique identity as a mother.

Some women are afraid that if they experience any negative feelings about either their roles as mothers or the behavior of their babies (e.g. inconsolable crying) it means either that they do not like being a mother or that they do not love their babies. Neither one of these is true. It is normal to feel resentful or angry, for example, when your baby has been crying (or screaming) inconsolably for the second straight hour or you have to drag yourself out of bed in the middle of the night for yet another feeding. These feelings are simply a natural reaction to an overwhelming event, not a reflection of the love you feel for your baby. In fact, you can feel fulfilled in your new role as a mother and still experience some negative reactions to specific situations.

It is important not to judge your feelings during this time, but to talk about them with someone who can be understanding and compassionate. This will help you put them in perspective. If you do not have someone to talk to, then write them down. The dichotomy is that once you accept your so-called "negative" feelings, the loving and blissful feelings will return.


Original post on New Mom Central.

[postpartum]
[expectant mother]
[first-time mothers]
[baby]
[mother]
[feelings]
[roles]
[resentful]
[angry]
[motherhood]
[blissful]
[hormones]
[life transition]

First-time Mothers and Postpartum Depression Study

If you are currently experiencing postpartum depression, you might be interested in participating in this study. Don't be afraid to seek help if you feel depressed. You are not alone and seeking help is the best thing you can do.

Here's the link to the study:

Postpartum Depression Study

Here's a link to a blog written by a mother who shares her personal story with postpartum depression:

Mom's Personal Story