Many first time moms in the U.S. are under the misguided belief that they must enjoy absolutely every moment of new motherhood and have a blissful symbiotic relationship with their babies all the time. If they don't then the presumption is that there is something wrong with them as women. This belief stems from the cultural propaganda that all women should feel happy and fulfilled in their roles as mothers. This is not only unrealistic it is unfair. The truth is that you will experience a range of emotions as you go through this major life change. To deny this, or to pretend otherwise, will only increase your stress during this three month period.
Your emotions will fluctuate during your first three months postpartum (and maybe longer) for a variety of reasons. First, your hormones are adjusting from the pregnancy and birth. Second, you are going through a major life transition and all major life transitions evoke a wide range of emotions in those who are going through them. Third, your life rhythm has changed and you are still getting your bearings. And fourth, taking care of a newborn is not always easy and you have a lot to learn.
Other new mothers also experience conflicting emotions , but may try to hide them in an attempt to live up to the ideal image of motherhood. But the truth is that it is just as normal to experience anger, frustration, resentment, and sadness during this time as it is to feel joy, love, wonderment, and gratitude. Sometimes you may revel in the joy of being a new mom, while other times you may wonder what you have gotten yourself into. Accepting the depth and range of your emotions during this time will help you to "surf the wave" of this life-altering transition with greater ease and more joy, and allow you to develop your own unique identity as a mother.
Some women are afraid that if they experience any negative feelings about either their roles as mothers or the behavior of their babies (e.g. inconsolable crying) it means either that they do not like being a mother or that they do not love their babies. Neither one of these is true. It is normal to feel resentful or angry, for example, when your baby has been crying (or screaming) inconsolably for the second straight hour or you have to drag yourself out of bed in the middle of the night for yet another feeding. These feelings are simply a natural reaction to an overwhelming event, not a reflection of the love you feel for your baby. In fact, you can feel fulfilled in your new role as a mother and still experience some negative reactions to specific situations.
It is important not to judge your feelings during this time, but to talk about them with someone who can be understanding and compassionate. This will help you put them in perspective. If you do not have someone to talk to, then write them down. The dichotomy is that once you accept your so-called "negative" feelings, the loving and blissful feelings will return.
Original post on New Mom Central.
[postpartum]
[expectant mother]
[first-time mothers]
[baby]
[mother]
[feelings]
[roles]
[resentful]
[angry]
[motherhood]
[blissful]
[hormones]
[life transition]
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