"Real Live" Advice from Experienced Moms

"Do not be afraid to ask for help or advice. All moms know exactly how you are feeling and how hard motherhood can be."

Michele, mother of 1

"Time frames for development, umbilical cord healing, and circumcision healing are guesses. They are not exact and don't ring true for every child."

Stephanie, mother of 2

"You should hold your baby as much as you want. I have been told repeatedly that it is NOT possible to spoil an infant. You cannot spoil them until they are old enough to manipulate situations."

Sarah, mother of 2

Original post on New Mom Central.

First-Time Mothers: New Mom Culture Shock

Romantic myths abound of what it feels like to become a mother for the very first time. The first months following the birth of a woman’s first baby is perceived as an eternally blissful period—a maternal symbiosis in which a woman croons to her newborn while breastfeeding him each day and basks in the joy of being a new mother. As a result, women have come to expect a fairy tale experience of the transition to motherhood. But the truth is that entering into motherhood is like entering into another culture. Many women have no idea what to do when they come face-to-face with their newborn babies for the very first time and are surprised when they find out just how overwhelming and demanding becoming a mother can be. This is usually when culture shock sets in.

The definition of culture shock (www.wikipedia.org) is: “anxiety and feelings that occur when people have to operate within an entirely different cultural or social environment…[it] grows out of the difficulties in assimilating the new culture, causing difficulty in knowing what is appropriate and what is not.”

The symptoms of culture shock that are often experienced when someone takes up residence in a new country are surprisingly similar to the experience of many women when they become mothers for the very first time. For example, they must learn to communicate with, and develop a relationship with, someone who speaks a foreign language (crying) and who has habits and customs that are completely foreign. If a woman has help, i.e. an interpreter (maternal mentor) or emissary (pediatric professional) to this culture, she will learn the customs, habits, and language more quickly and experience less culture shock. However, if she is suddenly immersed into it without guidance she will experience more culture shock.

It is important that women are prepared for how dramatically their lives will change when they become a mother, especially if they choose to be SAHMs, so as to avoid the feeling of culture shock as much as possible. It is not possible to be fully prepared for all of the physical, mental, and emotional changes that accompany the transition into motherhood or the constantly changing needs of a newborn, but the more prepared they are the easier it will be for them. They should be forewarned, for example, that their lives will no longer be about them, that they will be operating in a different "time zone" and will be sleep deprived and exhausted all the time, that their hormones and emotions will fluctuate so dramatically that they will feel like they are on a perpetual roller coaster ride, that they will no longer feel like the same person they used to be (at least temporarily), that they will need to learn to function in a new “land” and adapt to the habits and customs of their newborn and to the mother culture, and that their bodies will not feel (or look) the same, as they recover from the birth process and take on the physical demands of motherhood. This is not meant to scare them but rather to give them a realistic idea of what to expect so that they can prepare for it ahead of time and “ride the wave” of this tumultuous period more easily, resulting in less culture shock.

(To read more, you can link to the author's full paper.)


Original post on New Mom Central.

[culture shock]
[new mother]
[new mom]
[first-time mothers]
[motherhood]
[transition]
[life]
[culture]
[shock]

First-time Mothers: Create a "New Mother Preemptive Postpartum Plan for Support"

If you are an expectant mother, it is important that you prepare for your first three months postpartum. Do not assume that you will have all the help you need once you have your baby. People can be full of good intentions and still fall short of providing you the assistance you need once your baby arrives. They may simply forget, they may assume that you have all the help you need, or they may simply not want to intrude or interfere. Whatever the reason, if you do not have enough help as a first time mother it is up to you to be your own advocate and ask for help.

Creating a Preemptive Postpartum Plan will help you set up a support system of people to take care of most of the chores and tasks that will need to be done during your training period so you can focus your full attention on your baby. Create a list of chores that will need to be done on a regular basis for the first three months postpartum and a list of support people who will agree to do those chores. The more people you have to take care of those chores, the less you will have to do yourself and the more you can focus on being a new mom and caring for your baby. Ideally, you will want to have this plan in place before you give birth. Creating a plan before you give birth allows you to put everything in place so that you do not have to worry about anything except caring for and enjoying your new baby. If you are unable to create your plan until after the birth, then by all means do so (better late than never).

Original post on New Mom Central.

[postpartum]
[new mother]
[stress]
[joy]
[birth]
[newborn]
[strategies]
[ten]
[birth]
[support]
[baby]
[expectant mother]

First-time Mothers: Accept Your Postpartum Emotions

Many first time moms in the U.S. are under the misguided belief that they must enjoy absolutely every moment of new motherhood and have a blissful symbiotic relationship with their babies all the time. If they don't then the presumption is that there is something wrong with them as women. This belief stems from the cultural propaganda that all women should feel happy and fulfilled in their roles as mothers. This is not only unrealistic it is unfair. The truth is that you will experience a range of emotions as you go through this major life change. To deny this, or to pretend otherwise, will only increase your stress during this three month period.

Your emotions will fluctuate during your first three months postpartum (and maybe longer) for a variety of reasons. First, your hormones are adjusting from the pregnancy and birth. Second, you are going through a major life transition and all major life transitions evoke a wide range of emotions in those who are going through them. Third, your life rhythm has changed and you are still getting your bearings. And fourth, taking care of a newborn is not always easy and you have a lot to learn.

Other new mothers also experience conflicting emotions , but may try to hide them in an attempt to live up to the ideal image of motherhood. But the truth is that it is just as normal to experience anger, frustration, resentment, and sadness during this time as it is to feel joy, love, wonderment, and gratitude. Sometimes you may revel in the joy of being a new mom, while other times you may wonder what you have gotten yourself into. Accepting the depth and range of your emotions during this time will help you to "surf the wave" of this life-altering transition with greater ease and more joy, and allow you to develop your own unique identity as a mother.

Some women are afraid that if they experience any negative feelings about either their roles as mothers or the behavior of their babies (e.g. inconsolable crying) it means either that they do not like being a mother or that they do not love their babies. Neither one of these is true. It is normal to feel resentful or angry, for example, when your baby has been crying (or screaming) inconsolably for the second straight hour or you have to drag yourself out of bed in the middle of the night for yet another feeding. These feelings are simply a natural reaction to an overwhelming event, not a reflection of the love you feel for your baby. In fact, you can feel fulfilled in your new role as a mother and still experience some negative reactions to specific situations.

It is important not to judge your feelings during this time, but to talk about them with someone who can be understanding and compassionate. This will help you put them in perspective. If you do not have someone to talk to, then write them down. The dichotomy is that once you accept your so-called "negative" feelings, the loving and blissful feelings will return.


Original post on New Mom Central.

[postpartum]
[expectant mother]
[first-time mothers]
[baby]
[mother]
[feelings]
[roles]
[resentful]
[angry]
[motherhood]
[blissful]
[hormones]
[life transition]

First-time Mothers and Postpartum Depression Study

If you are currently experiencing postpartum depression, you might be interested in participating in this study. Don't be afraid to seek help if you feel depressed. You are not alone and seeking help is the best thing you can do.

Here's the link to the study:

Postpartum Depression Study

Here's a link to a blog written by a mother who shares her personal story with postpartum depression:

Mom's Personal Story

Becoming a new mother

The first three months after the birth of a woman’s first child is one of the least understood aspects of motherhood, yet it is also one of the most important times during the transition to motherhood. Rarely is the woman who does not remember her first three months postpartum after the birth of her first child. Why is the first three months so significant in the transition to motherhood?

The first three months postpartum is a time when mother and baby are getting to know each other and adjusting to the major life change that has brought them together. For the new mother it is a time for getting her bearings on her new life role and developing her maternal skills by learning how to take care of her newborn. For the newborn, it is a time for adjusting to life outside the womb with a body that is not quite fully mature yet and can sometimes cause him discomfort or pain. This is also the time during which colic develops, a painful experience for the newborn that gets it.
In addition to adjusting to the idea of being a mother and getting to know her new baby, there are a variety of issues that can affect a woman after she gives birth—especially if she is a first-time mother. Her emotional and mental state will affect her mood and her initial experience of being a mother, which in turn can affect her confidence in herself as a mother. The types of issues that can occur vary, e.g. mental health problems, physical and hormonal changes, sleep deprivation, difficult personal situations, the absence of an adequate support system, the physical strain of labor or C-section delivery, fear of pre-term delivery, the break-up of a primary relationship or another major loss, a history of depression or other mental illness, etc.

It is important for women to understand that there are many factors that affect their experience as first-time mothers. It isn't always joy and bliss, and it isn't always anxiety and exhaustion. It just depends on your situation. However, for far too many mothers in the U.S. (and other Western cultures) there is little help or guidance on doing one of the most important tasks for our species: taking care of its young. So, as a result, many women do not know what they are doing and feel very overwhelmed and nervous when they have their first baby. Even a woman's mother is often unable or reluctant to assist her in developing her maternal skills. Becoming a mother is one of the most life-changing events that will ever happen to a woman and she needs some guidance and help if she is to get through it with the joy and bliss that she expects. So, try to make sure that you get help if you are going to have a baby. And, don't wait for others to offer help, ASK FOR IT! Never be afraid to ask for what you need. Everyone needs help sometimes, and new mothers need lots of it. That being said, I am aware that there are women who feel they need no help and that is fine. Maybe they have experience, maybe they have a natural inclination, maybe they have a nanny or regular daily help from their mothers. Whatever the case, it doesn't matter. Every woman's experience is different and every woman needs different things to get her through one of the most difficult periods of motherhood--the first three months postpartum after the first baby.


Original post on New Mom Central.

[expectant mom]
[mother]
[new mom]
[postpartum]
[women]
[newborn]

Caring for Your Newborn Baby

Helpful Advice for New Moms: Caring for Your Newborn

Here is a great article on the value of swaddling your newborn to help soothe her. The theory behind swaddling is that it mimics the conditions of the womb, i.e. tight snug quarters. Then, if you rock or swing your baby it further mimics the experience of the womb since when you were pregnant you were usually moving around creating an active environment for your baby.

Here is a link to an article about swaddling your baby:

http://pregnancyandbaby.com/pregnancy/baby/Swaddling--Independence-versus-interdependence-3770.htm




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Also, here is a link to a thoughtful blog entry about the difficulties of caring for a newborn who is crying inconsolably:

http://birthsupport.wordpress.com/2007/10/19/crying-babies-and-shaken-baby-syndrome/


Original post at New Mom Central.

Welcome to Motherhood: The first three months

Hi new moms and expectant moms,
The purpose of this blog is to help new moms and expectant moms cope with the reality of and stress of the first three months postpartum since becoming a mother for the first time. becoming a mother is not like putting on a new pair of shoes. It is a major transformation which begins during pregnancy and evolves over time. The first three months is one of the most difficult times in a woman's life as she struggles to learn how to be a mother and to deal with the major upheavals in her life that becoming a new mother has brought. In this blog I will be posting different ideas (hopefully every day) to validate you if you are already a new mom going through your first three months postpartum and to enlighten and prepare you if you are an expecting mom. i hope you find this blog useful! :)


Original post at New Mom Central.