NEW MOM CENTRAL INTERVIEWS MELANIE BOWDEN ON BLOGTALKRADIO!!!

On Friday, May 23, 2008, New Mom Central interviewed Melanie Bowden, author of "Why Didn't Anyone Tell Me: True Stories of New Motherhood" on Blog Talk Radio. Ms. Bowden is a registered postpartum doula and a mother of 2 children living in Davis, CA.

In addition to her book, Ms. Bowden has published an e-book called "Get Your Articles Published" and has been freelancing for magazines and websites since 1999. Her articles have appeared in over 100 publications including Vibrant Life, Jugglezine, Parents' Monthly, and Writers Weekly. She also teaches magazine writing classes, coaches writers, and speaks to writing and parenting groups. You can find out more about Ms. Bowden by visiting her website at MelanieBowden.com.

The topic of the show was "Why Didn't Anyone Tell Me?" Ms. Bowden and I discussed some of the things that we wish someone would have told us before we became mothers. Ms. Bowden also shared information from her interviews with other mothers about the things they wished someone would have told them when they became mothers for the first time.

Here is the link to the interview: New Mom Central Talk Radio and Melanie Bowden. 



Original post on New Mom Central.

Maria Shriver Talks About Motherhood

Last night I attended a private book signing at Books, Inc. for Maria Shriver's new book "Just Who Will You Be?." And, boy, was she dazzling. Yes, dazzling. There's just something about her. Maybe it's that magical Kennedy charm that all the members, including extended members, of that clan seem to have. Whatever that "it" energy is, she's got it.

Ms. Shriver spoke easily and honestly about her personal life. She spoke about the difficulties of transitioning to motherhood after being a career woman, of holding onto her own identity and interests after her husband, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Governor of California, became elected, and trying to find some quiet time for herself as a mother of 4 children. She is a woman who has "been there and done that" when it comes to meeting the challenges of a 21st Century mother, wife, and career woman.

When I asked her about making the transition to motherhood from her career as a journalist, she said that she tried to combine the two but it just didn't work. She said that when she was pregnant with her first baby she had decided that she would return to work two weeks after the baby was born! She went back and worked for 4 months and said she was out of her mind! So, she tried a variety of alternatives, from reducing her hours to working at home. Again, none of which worked for her because of the demands of caring for an infant. She said that her effort and attention to her job slowly decreased with each child, from 110% to 100 to 90 to 80 to 70, until she ended up staying home to focus on her 4 children.

Ms. Shriver turns down about 99% of the offers she has for speaking engagements and projects in order to have more time for her family. But she continues her work as Chair of California Volunteers and on the WE programs and initiatives that she helped create, as well as the ice cream brand, Lovin' Scoopfuls, that she and her brother created (25% of profits donated to those in need). We got to taste it and it's delish! She's also producing another special for HBO coming out next spring about Alzheimer's and families. Ms. Shriver talked about how important it is for mothers to make time for themselves, whether it's "quiet time" or working on projects and attending events that interest them.

Maria Shriver is an inspirational woman who is struggling to find a balance between meeting her obligations as a mother and meeting her own needs as a woman. Her book is a must-read for any mother who is struggling to re-connect to herself after becoming a mother.


Original post on New Mom Central.

NEW MOM CENTRAL GOES LIVE WITH CHRISTINE LOUISE HOHLBAUM!!!

On Friday, April 25, New Mom Central interviewed Christine Louise Hohlbaum, author of Diary of a Mother and SAHM I Am: Tales of a Stay-at-home Mom in Europe, on Blog Talk Radio. The topic of the show was "Making the Transition to Motherhood." Christine has two children, lives with her family in Europe, and has a lot to say about becoming a mother and motherhood and shared her own story about what it was like for her to become a mother for the very first time. To find out more about Christine, visit her blog, Diary of a Mother.

Here is the link to the interview: New Mom Central and Christine Louise Hohlbaum.


[Christine Louise Hohlbaum]
[Diary of a Mother]
[Tales of a SAHM]
[the transition to motherhood]
[mother]
[motherhood]
[children]
[Blog Talk Radio]

Expectant mothers and first-time mothers: Prepare for Major Life Changes

Most first-time mothers are unprepared for the major life changes and hard work that accompany the advent into motherhood. It takes time to adapt to any major life transition and a woman's transition to motherhood is one of the most difficult and overwhelming life transitions she will experience. Unfortunately, Western society idealizes motherhood so much that many expectant mothers have fairy tale expectations of what it will be like to become a mother. In this sense, they approach impending motherhood more like Sleeping Beauties than informed mothers-to-be.

Some women read books about what to expect when they're pregnant and then move on to books about what to expect after their baby is born. Unfortunately, most books only cover the caretaking responsibilities of baby and the recovery of the new mother. They do not cover the many other aspects of new motherhood that affect a woman once she gives birth. As helpful as these books can be for learning about the physical aspects of a woman's pregnant and post-birth body, or the practical aspects of meeting the needs of a newborn, they cannot prepare you for the tumultuous postpartum period that you are about to experience. Consequently, far from feeling like a benevolent maternal figure after the birth of your baby, you may find yourself in a whirlwind of chaos and confusion as you struggle to care for your new baby, while also trying to adapt to the major life change you are going through. Even if you are excited about becoming a mother, you may long for the simplicity of your old life.

Your life will change dramatically once you bring your baby home. You will be immersed in the needs and the wonder of your baby, all of your time will be devoted to the duties of motherhood, and you may feel completely isolated as you tend to the almost hourly needs of your newborn. You will not be able to socialize like you used to, and you will most certainly not be able to do any hobbies that you used to do. You will not be able to "get up and go" like you were used to, or even watch TV or read when you want to. Your time and attention will be completely usurped by this new experience and by your little bundle. But this will only last for approximately three months and then, as your baby continues to grow you will become more experienced at motherhood, your baby won't need to be tended to quite as often as when she was a newborn, and she may even begin to sleep for longer periods of time (the operative word here is "may").

As you find yourself more confined to your home during those first three months, and as you put 100% of your attention and focus onto your baby, you may begin to feel like you don't exist any more or that you no longer matter. This is a normal reaction for many women. Again, it is a temporary phase. It is natural for you to have an undivided focus on your newborn because it helps you learn how to be a mother, meet your baby's needs, and bond with your baby. However, you will need to take some breaks, for your sake and for your baby's. Almost every mother I have met has said that in hindsight, although she didn't want to leave her baby for a second, she should have taken breaks now and then so that she could nap, get out of the house, and simply take care of herself.

Rare is the new mother who doesn't experience stress, confusion, anxiety, or even resentment when she becomes a mother for the first time. So, don't expect to "breeze through" your first three months (unless, of course, you are a star in Hollywood and can afford a full-time nanny, housekeeper, and cook!). Take it one day at a time, make sure you spend time caressing your baby, rocking her, singing to her, and talking to her, and try not to worry too much. Things will fall into place. It may not feel like they are going to while you're in this learning phase, but time will pass, you will breathe again, and your baby will get cuter and cuter. :)


Original post on New Mom Central.

[expectant mothers]
[first-time mothers]
[women]
[motherhood]
[postpartum]
[life transition]
[new mother]
[mother]
[newborn]
[baby]

What first-time mothers need to know about newborns

Prior to becoming a mother, I had assumed that newborns "arrived" fully developed and that all they really needed was a lot of love and basic care. When I was pregnant I fantasized about breastfeeding in my rocking chair with my babies gazing up at me and me looking down at them adoringly with my hair cascading around their little cherub faces--the perfect mother-infant symbiotic relationship. If they cried (which would be rarely because they would just know how much I loved them) I pictured myself soothing them with hugs and kisses and singing to them until they calmed down. Unfortunately, this was not to be the case, much to my surprise. Instead, I watched as they struggled with gas pains, painful bowel movements, an immature nervous system, an undeveloped biological clock, acid reflux, colic, and the inability to fall asleep and stay asleep on their own. I quickly learned how difficult it can sometimes be to care for a newborn baby.

Why is caring for a newborn baby so difficult sometimes? Dr. Harvey Karp, in his book The Happiest Baby on the Block, calls the first three months of a baby's life the "4th trimester" because he believes that a baby is not yet ready to come out of the womb. His theory is that all newborn babies could use another trimester in the womb but that their heads would be too big for the birth canal if they waited, so they arrive three months early. In addition, a newborn's physiological system is not yet fully mature when she is born. Consequently, she can experience discomfort and even pain, which can lead to periods of inconsolable crying, causing even more stress for the new mother. So here we have a baby who is not yet ready to be out of the womb and a new mother who has never taken care of a newborn before. One can understand how this can easily become a scenario ripe with the potential for overwhelming stress as both mother and baby adapt to their new environments.

If a first-time mother receives the help she needs, and has someone who can show her how to help her baby through any difficulties that might come up, she will better understand what her newborn might be going through. Many new mothers do not understand the problems that some newborns have and can suffer emotionally if their baby is crying inconsolably and nothing they do seems to help. This increases their stress and can affect their confidence in their ability to be a good mother, which can exacerbate any postpartum depression they may be having.

If you are an expectant mother, or a new mother, it is important to learn as much as you can about newborns. The more you understand the less you will panic when your baby is in distress. Some babies have an easier time of it than others, so if your baby is having a difficult time you need to understand that it is unlikely it is anything that you are doing. Most new mothers I have met are very conscientious and try to learn everything they can about taking care of newborns so that their baby can get her needs met and be a happy baby. But it is easy to fall into the trap of "mother guilt" in our Western culture and think that if your baby is unhappy it is your fault. Don't do this to yourself. Know that you are doing the best you can and learn as much as you can via the Internet, books, pediatricians and other experts, and other mothers. Your newborn will be fine and so will you once the 3 months have passed. And always check with your pediatrician if your baby consistently cries inconsolably to rule out any health problems.

As an adjunct to this topic, here's an informative blog post for how to discern your baby's distinctive cries.


Original post on New Mom Central.

[Harvey Karp]
[4th trimester]
[babies]
[newborn]
[baby]
[new mother]
[first-time mother]
[motherhood]
[expectant mother]
[women]
[postpartum]

First-time mothers and expectant mothers - Developing Your Mother Identity

What does it mean to be a mother? There is a tendency to think that once you give birth you are a mother. But since becoming a mother myself, I have learned that becoming a mother is a process, not an event. It takes experience, hard work, love, joy, and plenty of mistakes. But even more importantly, it involves an inner transformation--a shift in a woman's sense of who she is now that she is a "mother."

Every woman has within her the seed of her own mother identity that was created through her personal life experiences. Her idea of motherhood develops from her experiences with her own mother and other mothering figures in her life, as well as the images of the good and bad mother in her culture. All of these experiences lead her to her initial ideas of what it means to be a mother. Clarissa Pinkola Estes calls this aspect of a woman's identity her "internal mother."

I also believe every woman has within her an "inner mother" that reflects her own maternal ideas and instincts. It is your inner mother that contains your mother's intuition, compels you to respond to your children's needs in your own unique way, and helps you create a maternal bond with your child. Unfortunately, this inner mother is often underdeveloped in favor of the idealistic (though unrealistic) images of the "supermom" and "glamourmom" put forth by Western society. For a woman to fully develop her inner mother she must learn when to turn away from these societal images, family expectations, and the well-meaning advice of others, and listen to her own maternal wisdom via her mother's intuition. The more she does so, the stronger her inner mother will become and the more she will be able to develop her own unique style of mothering. One wonders sometimes if the problems of mothers such as Britney Spears involves a disconnection with their inner mothers as the result of being unable to turn away from others' expectations of them now that they are mothers.

However, we do not want to "throw the baby out with the bathwater," as it were, and ignore the advice and suggestions of others. It is important to draw on the wisdom and experience of other mothers, as well as the expertise of pediatric experts, especially if you have no maternal mentor of your own. The idea is to take the information and advice you receive and then check in with your mother's intuition and make your own decision based on what feels right for you and your baby. In this way, you allow your own maternal wisdom to develop.

Maternal wisdom is self-made, it cannot be taught. Through the time-honored practice of trial and error you will learn to trust your own instincts and judgments. By listening to advice from others, as well as tuning in to your own inner voice, you can become the mother you want to be.


Original post on New Mom Central.

[identity]
[motherhood]
[women]
[mothers]
[Britney Spears]
[expectant mother]
[expectant mothers]
[postpartum]
[maternal]

First-Time Mothers: New Mom Culture Shock

Romantic myths abound of what it feels like to become a mother for the very first time. The first months following the birth of a woman’s first baby is perceived as an eternally blissful period—a maternal symbiosis in which a woman croons to her newborn while breastfeeding him each day and basks in the joy of being a new mother. As a result, women have come to expect a fairy tale experience of the transition to motherhood. But the truth is that entering into motherhood is like entering into another culture. Many women have no idea what to do when they come face-to-face with their newborn babies for the very first time and are surprised when they find out just how overwhelming and demanding becoming a mother can be. This is usually when culture shock sets in.

The definition of culture shock (www.wikipedia.org) is: “anxiety and feelings that occur when people have to operate within an entirely different cultural or social environment…[it] grows out of the difficulties in assimilating the new culture, causing difficulty in knowing what is appropriate and what is not.”

The symptoms of culture shock that are often experienced when someone takes up residence in a new country are surprisingly similar to the experience of many women when they become mothers for the very first time. For example, they must learn to communicate with, and develop a relationship with, someone who speaks a foreign language (crying) and who has habits and customs that are completely foreign. If a woman has help, i.e. an interpreter (maternal mentor) or emissary (pediatric professional) to this culture, she will learn the customs, habits, and language more quickly and experience less culture shock. However, if she is suddenly immersed into it without guidance she will experience more culture shock.

It is important that women are prepared for how dramatically their lives will change when they become a mother, especially if they choose to be SAHMs, so as to avoid the feeling of culture shock as much as possible. It is not possible to be fully prepared for all of the physical, mental, and emotional changes that accompany the transition into motherhood or the constantly changing needs of a newborn, but the more prepared they are the easier it will be for them. They should be forewarned, for example, that their lives will no longer be about them, that they will be operating in a different "time zone" and will be sleep deprived and exhausted all the time, that their hormones and emotions will fluctuate so dramatically that they will feel like they are on a perpetual roller coaster ride, that they will no longer feel like the same person they used to be (at least temporarily), that they will need to learn to function in a new “land” and adapt to the habits and customs of their newborn and to the mother culture, and that their bodies will not feel (or look) the same, as they recover from the birth process and take on the physical demands of motherhood. This is not meant to scare them but rather to give them a realistic idea of what to expect so that they can prepare for it ahead of time and “ride the wave” of this tumultuous period more easily, resulting in less culture shock.

(To read more, you can link to the author's full paper.)


Original post on New Mom Central.

[culture shock]
[new mother]
[new mom]
[first-time mothers]
[motherhood]
[transition]
[life]
[culture]
[shock]

First-time Mothers: Create a "New Mother Preemptive Postpartum Plan for Support"

If you are an expectant mother, it is important that you prepare for your first three months postpartum. Do not assume that you will have all the help you need once you have your baby. People can be full of good intentions and still fall short of providing you the assistance you need once your baby arrives. They may simply forget, they may assume that you have all the help you need, or they may simply not want to intrude or interfere. Whatever the reason, if you do not have enough help as a first time mother it is up to you to be your own advocate and ask for help.

Creating a Preemptive Postpartum Plan will help you set up a support system of people to take care of most of the chores and tasks that will need to be done during your training period so you can focus your full attention on your baby. Create a list of chores that will need to be done on a regular basis for the first three months postpartum and a list of support people who will agree to do those chores. The more people you have to take care of those chores, the less you will have to do yourself and the more you can focus on being a new mom and caring for your baby. Ideally, you will want to have this plan in place before you give birth. Creating a plan before you give birth allows you to put everything in place so that you do not have to worry about anything except caring for and enjoying your new baby. If you are unable to create your plan until after the birth, then by all means do so (better late than never).

Original post on New Mom Central.

[postpartum]
[new mother]
[stress]
[joy]
[birth]
[newborn]
[strategies]
[ten]
[birth]
[support]
[baby]
[expectant mother]

First-time Mothers: Accept Your Postpartum Emotions

Many first time moms in the U.S. are under the misguided belief that they must enjoy absolutely every moment of new motherhood and have a blissful symbiotic relationship with their babies all the time. If they don't then the presumption is that there is something wrong with them as women. This belief stems from the cultural propaganda that all women should feel happy and fulfilled in their roles as mothers. This is not only unrealistic it is unfair. The truth is that you will experience a range of emotions as you go through this major life change. To deny this, or to pretend otherwise, will only increase your stress during this three month period.

Your emotions will fluctuate during your first three months postpartum (and maybe longer) for a variety of reasons. First, your hormones are adjusting from the pregnancy and birth. Second, you are going through a major life transition and all major life transitions evoke a wide range of emotions in those who are going through them. Third, your life rhythm has changed and you are still getting your bearings. And fourth, taking care of a newborn is not always easy and you have a lot to learn.

Other new mothers also experience conflicting emotions , but may try to hide them in an attempt to live up to the ideal image of motherhood. But the truth is that it is just as normal to experience anger, frustration, resentment, and sadness during this time as it is to feel joy, love, wonderment, and gratitude. Sometimes you may revel in the joy of being a new mom, while other times you may wonder what you have gotten yourself into. Accepting the depth and range of your emotions during this time will help you to "surf the wave" of this life-altering transition with greater ease and more joy, and allow you to develop your own unique identity as a mother.

Some women are afraid that if they experience any negative feelings about either their roles as mothers or the behavior of their babies (e.g. inconsolable crying) it means either that they do not like being a mother or that they do not love their babies. Neither one of these is true. It is normal to feel resentful or angry, for example, when your baby has been crying (or screaming) inconsolably for the second straight hour or you have to drag yourself out of bed in the middle of the night for yet another feeding. These feelings are simply a natural reaction to an overwhelming event, not a reflection of the love you feel for your baby. In fact, you can feel fulfilled in your new role as a mother and still experience some negative reactions to specific situations.

It is important not to judge your feelings during this time, but to talk about them with someone who can be understanding and compassionate. This will help you put them in perspective. If you do not have someone to talk to, then write them down. The dichotomy is that once you accept your so-called "negative" feelings, the loving and blissful feelings will return.


Original post on New Mom Central.

[postpartum]
[expectant mother]
[first-time mothers]
[baby]
[mother]
[feelings]
[roles]
[resentful]
[angry]
[motherhood]
[blissful]
[hormones]
[life transition]

First-time Mothers and Postpartum Depression Study

If you are currently experiencing postpartum depression, you might be interested in participating in this study. Don't be afraid to seek help if you feel depressed. You are not alone and seeking help is the best thing you can do.

Here's the link to the study:

Postpartum Depression Study

Here's a link to a blog written by a mother who shares her personal story with postpartum depression:

Mom's Personal Story

Baby Blues

Experiencing the "baby blues" is common after giving birth, especially after the first baby. According to the Center for Postpartum Adjustment 50-80% of women experience postpartum baby blues. While the common consensus among health professionals is that the baby blues is caused by hormones, I believe that the major life changes occurring in a woman's life after she gives birth, as well as the changes in her personal life rhythm, venturing into the "unknown" and not fully understanding newborns or how to be a mother, as well as sleep deprivation, a loss of the ability to tend to her own needs, and many other factors, all contribute to the "baby blues." The symptoms of the "baby blues" are very similar to the symptoms of culture shock. When someone travels to a foreign culture and has to interact with people she does not know and suddenly adhere to traditions, life rhythms, and a foreign language that are new to her, she experiences culture shock. When a woman delivers her first baby and makes her first foray into motherhood, she is dealing with many of the same issues (unless she has been a nanny or has experience dealing with a newborn).

If you are experiencing sadness, irritability, confusion, etc. here is a link to a website about the baby blues that may be helpful:

http://www.babybluesconnection.org/


Original post on New Mom Central.