"Real Live" Advice from Experienced Moms

"Do not be afraid to ask for help or advice. All moms know exactly how you are feeling and how hard motherhood can be."

Michele, mother of 1

"Time frames for development, umbilical cord healing, and circumcision healing are guesses. They are not exact and don't ring true for every child."

Stephanie, mother of 2

"You should hold your baby as much as you want. I have been told repeatedly that it is NOT possible to spoil an infant. You cannot spoil them until they are old enough to manipulate situations."

Sarah, mother of 2

Original post on New Mom Central.

GUEST POST: Nicole Crowley on "Listen to Your Baby"

The months and weeks leading up to delivering a baby are exciting...and tiring, too. Then the whole world changes in the instant you give birth and any thoughts of those nine

 long months of pregnancy vanish and you redirect all of your attention to your newborn child.

It quickly sinks in that you are completely responsible for the well-being of another human being, and this human being can't even hold his head up yet.

I remember looking down at my son as we drove away from the hospital; we had him elaborately hooked into his car seat and all I could think of was how small he looked in the middle of that big contraption.

And then I thought, "I can't believe they're letting us leave."

I had never taken care of a baby before...I hadn't really even babysat. And then it occurred to me that I had been so busy reading all my pregnancy books that I hadn't read any parenting books. ARGH!

And then we got home and I thought, "Where's the band?"

Where was the band to welcome us home? There was no band...and there was no instructor waiting inside our home to tell me about feed

ing, or changing diapers, or burping, or appropriate winter outwear for babies, or preschool, or kindergartens in the area, or college funds.

But I did it...and everyone does.

Every baby is different...so, if your friend tells you to get a certain brand of bottle and it doesn't seem to work for you and your baby--try another type of bottle. It doesn't mean your baby is difficult or wierd. Don't worry--every baby is just different.

LISTEN to your baby.

The best advice my pediatrician has ever given me was this, "Relax. Babies let you know when something is wrong."

He's right. Babies do let you know.

Babies cry if they want their diaper changed, need to be burped, or helped to sleep, but mostly it means they are hungry. YOU can take care of that.

It's nice how motherhood works out: You're new at it, but the baby is too. You will learn together.

Nicole Crowley likes to concentrate on the good stuff over at her blog "BananaBlueberry.com."

Original post on New Mom Central.

GUEST POST: Amy Trayer on "Finding Time for Friends"

I've never been the type that likes to stay at home. So when my twins were born and my life as a stay-at-home mom began, it was quite a culture shock. I wanted to be a SAHM from the beginning and my husband and I planned for this financially. What I wasn't prepared for was just how much my life was going to change in so many different ways, particularly socially.

What has been the most difficult since having kids is keeping relationships with people that don't have kids. As new parents, you immediately gravitate toward your friends that already have kids or are starting a family just like you. I instantly connected with the moms I met in my local multiples club. These moms knew what it was like to have twins and how hard it was to get out the door to actually go somewhere. My group of close friends gradually changed and my social life now consisted of play dates and the occasional mom's night out. These friendships have been extremely important to me during these last two years of being a new mom.

Having some time without the kids is not always easy, but in my opinion, very necessary. My husband and I still socialize as a couple, but we find ourselves doing more with our own group of friends. One parent enjoys a night out with friends while the other parent is home with the kids. These nights are maybe once a month but my husband and I have agreed just how important they are for each of us. I can't stay up as late as I used to (kids are still going to wake up at the same time the next day!) but an early dinner and maybe a movie do wonders for me. It's nice to have uninterrupted conversations and meals and generally feel mentally and physically relaxed while catching up with friends.

Obviously during those first few months of having a newborn your priorities completely shift and going out with friends is not at the top of the list. But once you get into a routine and are feeling like you might want to meet up with a friend or two for lunch, dinner, coffee or dessert--give it a try and see how it works. You will come home feeling renewed and refreshed and your spouse gets to enjoy some alone time with the baby. If you are nursing you can always pump and have some bottles ready ahead of time.

My husband has always been able to care for the kids by himself. Knowing the routines and schedules has proven to be even better as the kids got older because they were so comfortable with either one of us putting them down for naps or bed. They didn't need one parent versus the other.

Above all, let go of that "mommy guilt." It was hard to leave the babies the first few times I went out with friends but the benefits of a few hours away far exceeded the guilt of not being with them every minute. My twins are two years old and I still feel some guilt when I leave them. I make sure dinner is ready, pajamas are clean and keep my cell phone close by just in case. Of course my husband is perfectly capable of doing these things, but it's my way of saying "thanks" and making the night smooth for him too.


When Amy's not struggling with guilt over taking some time for herself, she also writes for Mad About Multiples.

Original post on New Mom Central.

Guest Blogger, Meagan Francis Writes About "Mom's Groups"

When I was pregnant with my first baby eleven years ago, I read everything I could get my hands on. I checked out every book on birth, breastfeeding, or parenting from the library and devoured each one. I subscribed to magazines like Parenting and Parents and read every issue cover to cover. But when I brought my son home from the hospital, I felt isolated and confused: home alone for most of the day, just me and my son, I found that reading wasn't enough. I needed to see how other real-life moms were handling big issues like feeding and sleep, as well as the smaller, day-to-day stuff: which diapers really prevented leaks? How did other new moms manage to take a shower?

In some ways, things have gotten better since my son was born. After all, "back then" there were just a handful of parenting resources online, and now there are thousands of blogs and websites an expecting or new mom can go to for advice or commiseration. But while a 'net' connection can be lifesaving for an isolated mom, nothing beats the interaction and hands-on help an in-real-life moms group can offer. After all, as Aviva Pflock, co-author of Mommy Guilt (you can find Aviva and her co-author, Devra Renner, at their website: www.Parentopia.net) told me in a recent interview: "An online community is great, but it can't jump in and babysit for you in an emergency."

Why seek out a mom's group in your community? Here are a few good reasons:

Resources: Whether it's finding a pediatrician who's in line with your values or locating the perfect preschool, moms need to be able to network with other moms to find out resources that are available in their community.

Help: Every mom needs a few friends she can count on for emergency child-care or help with a big task.

Advice and Information:Moms are the best experts on parenting issues, and new moms really benefit from the wisdom and advice of other moms who have been there or are going through similar issues.

Encouragement and Support: That listening ear from another mom who's been there is so important during the rocky days of motherhood. Just being around other moms and watching how they interact with their children can relieve the anxiety a mom might feel about whether she's "doing it right."

Wellbeing for Mom and Baby: Strong social networks are tied to lower incidences of depression, which can affect mothers and their children.

Friendship: After having a child, old friendships often change or fall away. New mothers often find themselves lonely and isolated, and need to find other women they can connect with.

If you're still pregnant, now is the time to start looking for other moms to connect with. Once your baby is actually here, you may find that you're tired or overwhelmed, and it's harder to reach out. Plus, you'll probably have plenty of questions and need some helping hands when your baby is little! If your baby's already here, don't hesitate--reach out! Here are some websites that might help you locate other moms in your area: www.mothersandmore.org, www.momsclub.org, and www.mops.org. 

You can also ask your obstetrician, midwife, doula, childbirth educator or pediatrician if he or she knows of any groups, or check with your local park district, library, community center or YMCA.

Or you can start your own group--post a flyer wherever the moms in your community hang out, or get on www.meetup.com and launch your own mom gathering. 

Original post on New Mom Central.

Meagan Francis is a mother of four,  mom's group leader, and author of "The Everything Health Guide to Postpartum Care." She is also working on a book about motherhood and friendship. You can find out more about Meagan at her website: www.meaganfrancis.com.

NEW MOM CENTRAL INTERVIEWS MELANIE BOWDEN ON BLOGTALKRADIO!!!

On Friday, May 23, 2008, New Mom Central interviewed Melanie Bowden, author of "Why Didn't Anyone Tell Me: True Stories of New Motherhood" on Blog Talk Radio. Ms. Bowden is a registered postpartum doula and a mother of 2 children living in Davis, CA.

In addition to her book, Ms. Bowden has published an e-book called "Get Your Articles Published" and has been freelancing for magazines and websites since 1999. Her articles have appeared in over 100 publications including Vibrant Life, Jugglezine, Parents' Monthly, and Writers Weekly. She also teaches magazine writing classes, coaches writers, and speaks to writing and parenting groups. You can find out more about Ms. Bowden by visiting her website at MelanieBowden.com.

The topic of the show was "Why Didn't Anyone Tell Me?" Ms. Bowden and I discussed some of the things that we wish someone would have told us before we became mothers. Ms. Bowden also shared information from her interviews with other mothers about the things they wished someone would have told them when they became mothers for the first time.

Here is the link to the interview: New Mom Central Talk Radio and Melanie Bowden. 



Original post on New Mom Central.

BOOK REVIEW: "Mama Knows Breast: A Beginner's Guide to Breastfeeding," by Andi Silverman

Learning how to breastfeed your baby takes practice and persistence. But it also takes a mentor, someone who can teach you the basics, as well as help you navigate the unique problems you may encounter. Andi Silverman is that mentor.

Even if you have been breastfeeding for a while, the invaluable advice and tips offered in this book will help you iron out any problems you may be having so that you can enjoy breastfeeding your baby even more.

"Mama Knows Breast" is a virtual breastfeeding manual that is based on Silverman’s own experiences, as well as input from other breastfeeding moms. Her intention was to write a book that addresses the issues she wished someone had told her, but the end result is a virtual compendium that covers everything from the basics to more complicated issues such as how to breastfeed if you have had breast augmentation. There is even a chapter called “Answering Your Questions” that addresses just about any question on breastfeeding you might have!

Although the main focus of Silverman’s book is breastfeeding, she takes a holistic approach that includes practical advice on how to care for yourself, as well as tips for adjusting to the lifestyle changes that are brought about once your baby arrives.

The book is written in what I like to call a girlfriendese style, making you feel like Ms. Silverman is speaking to you directly. It is succinct, straightforward, and easy to understand.

Mama Knows Breast is a must-have book for every breastfeeding mother. It’s the closest thing you can get to a lactation consultant without paying for one!


Original post on New Mom Central.

Maria Shriver Talks About Motherhood

Last night I attended a private book signing at Books, Inc. for Maria Shriver's new book "Just Who Will You Be?." And, boy, was she dazzling. Yes, dazzling. There's just something about her. Maybe it's that magical Kennedy charm that all the members, including extended members, of that clan seem to have. Whatever that "it" energy is, she's got it.

Ms. Shriver spoke easily and honestly about her personal life. She spoke about the difficulties of transitioning to motherhood after being a career woman, of holding onto her own identity and interests after her husband, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Governor of California, became elected, and trying to find some quiet time for herself as a mother of 4 children. She is a woman who has "been there and done that" when it comes to meeting the challenges of a 21st Century mother, wife, and career woman.

When I asked her about making the transition to motherhood from her career as a journalist, she said that she tried to combine the two but it just didn't work. She said that when she was pregnant with her first baby she had decided that she would return to work two weeks after the baby was born! She went back and worked for 4 months and said she was out of her mind! So, she tried a variety of alternatives, from reducing her hours to working at home. Again, none of which worked for her because of the demands of caring for an infant. She said that her effort and attention to her job slowly decreased with each child, from 110% to 100 to 90 to 80 to 70, until she ended up staying home to focus on her 4 children.

Ms. Shriver turns down about 99% of the offers she has for speaking engagements and projects in order to have more time for her family. But she continues her work as Chair of California Volunteers and on the WE programs and initiatives that she helped create, as well as the ice cream brand, Lovin' Scoopfuls, that she and her brother created (25% of profits donated to those in need). We got to taste it and it's delish! She's also producing another special for HBO coming out next spring about Alzheimer's and families. Ms. Shriver talked about how important it is for mothers to make time for themselves, whether it's "quiet time" or working on projects and attending events that interest them.

Maria Shriver is an inspirational woman who is struggling to find a balance between meeting her obligations as a mother and meeting her own needs as a woman. Her book is a must-read for any mother who is struggling to re-connect to herself after becoming a mother.


Original post on New Mom Central.

NEW MOM CENTRAL GOES LIVE WITH CHRISTINE LOUISE HOHLBAUM!!!

On Friday, April 25, New Mom Central interviewed Christine Louise Hohlbaum, author of Diary of a Mother and SAHM I Am: Tales of a Stay-at-home Mom in Europe, on Blog Talk Radio. The topic of the show was "Making the Transition to Motherhood." Christine has two children, lives with her family in Europe, and has a lot to say about becoming a mother and motherhood and shared her own story about what it was like for her to become a mother for the very first time. To find out more about Christine, visit her blog, Diary of a Mother.

Here is the link to the interview: New Mom Central and Christine Louise Hohlbaum.


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