I've never been the type that likes to stay at home. So when my twins were born and my life as a stay-at-home mom began, it was quite a culture shock. I wanted to be a SAHM from the beginning and my husband and I planned for this financially. What I wasn't prepared for was just how much my life was going to change in so many different ways, particularly socially.
What has been the most difficult since having kids is keeping relationships with people that don't have kids. As new parents, you immediately gravitate toward your friends that already have kids or are starting a family just like you. I instantly connected with the moms I met in my local multiples club. These moms knew what it was like to have twins and how hard it was to get out the door to actually go somewhere. My group of close friends gradually changed and my social life now consisted of play dates and the occasional mom's night out. These friendships have been extremely important to me during these last two years of being a new mom.
Having some time without the kids is not always easy, but in my opinion, very necessary. My husband and I still socialize as a couple, but we find ourselves doing more with our own group of friends. One parent enjoys a night out with friends while the other parent is home with the kids. These nights are maybe once a month but my husband and I have agreed just how important they are for each of us. I can't stay up as late as I used to (kids are still going to wake up at the same time the next day!) but an early dinner and maybe a movie do wonders for me. It's nice to have uninterrupted conversations and meals and generally feel mentally and physically relaxed while catching up with friends.
Obviously during those first few months of having a newborn your priorities completely shift and going out with friends is not at the top of the list. But once you get into a routine and are feeling like you might want to meet up with a friend or two for lunch, dinner, coffee or dessert--give it a try and see how it works. You will come home feeling renewed and refreshed and your spouse gets to enjoy some alone time with the baby. If you are nursing you can always pump and have some bottles ready ahead of time.
My husband has always been able to care for the kids by himself. Knowing the routines and schedules has proven to be even better as the kids got older because they were so comfortable with either one of us putting them down for naps or bed. They didn't need one parent versus the other.
Above all, let go of that "mommy guilt." It was hard to leave the babies the first few times I went out with friends but the benefits of a few hours away far exceeded the guilt of not being with them every minute. My twins are two years old and I still feel some guilt when I leave them. I make sure dinner is ready, pajamas are clean and keep my cell phone close by just in case. Of course my husband is perfectly capable of doing these things, but it's my way of saying "thanks" and making the night smooth for him too.
When Amy's not struggling with guilt over taking some time for herself, she also writes for Mad About Multiples.
Original post on New Mom Central.
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