One aspect of the transformation to motherhood that comes as a surprise to many women is the sense of isolation they feel from being restricted to the house every day to care for their newborns. This isolation is felt more keenly if a new mother has little or no support and few visitors. After the excitement of the birth of my babies had died down and my husband returned to work, I found myself on my own to care for my newborns. That is when I experienced my first sense of isolation. It took time for me to switch from being active and independent one day, to suddenly finding myself alone with two preverbal newborns all day.
Many women are shocked to discover just how restrictive being at home all day, every day, can feel. I believe being housebound plays an important role in the amount of stress and depression a first-time mother experiences during her first three months postpartum. Her baby is still too young and has too many immediate needs for her to spend much time away from home yet, so she finds herself at home virtually every day and night. This lack of freedom to come and go can be very difficult to adapt to. She may even feel like she is in prison at times, in spite of her love for and devotion to her new baby. The only escape she has from this "domestic prison" is visitors. If she does not have many visitors, then the happiness she feels being with her newborn can become overshadowed by feelings of isolation and loneliness.
A woman can experience this sense of isolation even if she did not work prior to becoming a mother. Most women are at least out and about with their friends and family and not sitting at home alone all day. But after a woman has a baby her world shrinks. Once the excitement of the birth is over visitors often slow down to a trickle, leaving a new mother feeling isolated and alone. She can no longer just “get up and go” whenever she wants to, not even for a quick trip to the grocery store. At first, she may not be aware of how much time she is spending at home because she is so busy with her new responsibilities and so happy with her new bundle of joy. But after the first month or so most women are “itching” to get out of the house. If she is planning to return to work soon she will at least have this to look forward to as a way of getting back into the “real” world. But if she has decided to be a career mother or a full-time SAHM the sudden transition to being at home every day can be a difficult adjustment for her to make.
If you receive adequate support from your partner, friends, and family to allow you to continue doing some of the same activities you enjoyed prior to becoming a mother, e.g. going out to eat, seeing a movie or play, or just hanging out with friends, it will help you feel like you still matter as an individual. Granted, you will not be able to go out as often as you used to, but a few outings now and then will help you to feel more like your old self and reduce the isolation you feel. The only way this will happen is if someone else is around so that you can take time for yourself. The good news is that the need to be housebound is temporary, although it can sometimes feel like it will last forever. Eventually, most mothers forge friendships with other mothers, connect with mothers at local kiddie parks, and join mother’s groups, allowing them to get out of the house, to socialize, and to feel more like themselves.
If you are a new mother, I cannot stress enough the importance of getting out of the house, both with your baby AND by yourself, once in a while so that you don't feel lonely and isolated being at home by yourself all day. If you have enough visitors and don't want to go out by yourself, that's fine. But take some time for yourself and away from your baby. As much as you love your newborn, sometimes you need a break. If you don't want to take my word for it, here's a link to an article that may give you some idea why it's important to take time for yourself. :)
Original post on New Mom Central.
[new mothers]
[first-time mother]
[isolation]
[motherhood]
[mothers]
[postpartum]
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
I think you are absolutely right. I noticed a big difference in the feelings of depression and isolation I had with my second because I was so much more confined to my house, with my third I made more of a point to get out, even when I didnt feel like it and I never got that same deep depression. sometimes to helps to have even one friend who helps to get you out, or calls to check in. Sometimes other mothers are scared to intrude on those new moments, not knowing if they are welcome or not wanting to wake you, you never know when a new mom is sleeping, so if you tell them they are needed to be there to check in it might help. Sometimes you have to be willing to ask for help.
Post a Comment