"I'm Just a Wife and Mother"

An episode of Supernanny last night featured a young mother of 3 children under the age of 5 who made the statement: "I'm just a wife and mother." In this one statement, she highlights a problem that often occurs when a woman does not understand what her role should be after she gives birth, especially if she's a SAHM. 

Once you become a mother it's very tempting to think that's all you are now and that you have no other identity of your own. But it's important to realize that being a mother is only one aspect of who you are,  just like being a father is only one aspect of who your partner is. 

But for a couple of reasons it's difficult for some women to differentiate between their personal identity and being a "mom." One reason is that our American culture seems to expect mothers to be only mothers and to devote 100% of their time and attention to their children. This has, in truth, become the standard of excellence for mothering. In fact, some women find that their friends and family act as if that's the only role they have now and it can be very frustrating for a lot of moms. That's why women who work feel so guilty and torn, because they're not meeting this standard of motherhood. The other reason is that it can be very overwhelming just to focus on your baby, especially during the first few months postpartum, let alone yourself. And this can become a habit that is hard to break even after the first three months are past. 

But it is important to make sure you don't lose that part of you that is uniquely you--that has passions in addition to motherhood. Find a way to meet your own basic needs first, like showering and eating healthy, otherwise you'll start to feel "less than human" as one mother put it. After the first three months are over (or before), start to do the things you used to enjoy prior to becoming a mother. Granted, you won't be able to go back 100% to what you used to do before you had your baby, but little by little you will be able to pursue more and more of the things that you used to enjoy before having your little bundle. And, as your baby gets older, you will have more and more time for yourself.

Until then, know that you don't have to be "just" a housewife and mother. (I like to think of SAHMs as "Chief Household Officer," as one SAHD put it). Don't "lose yourself" just because you become a mother. Being a mother should enhance your life, not restrict it. Enjoy your baby and enjoy yourself!