One of the most difficult parts about the first three months postpartum as a new mom can be taking care of your newborn by yourself. Many fathers take time off work to spend with their wives and new babies, but once they return to work a first-time mother who has not developed a support system of other mothers, or whose family and friends are not there to help her or visit with her, can begin to feel very lonely. Without help or visitors you can find yourself on your own caring for your newborn throughout the day, every day, without the breaks you need to recoup and rest. In addition, if you have no prior experience or proper mentoring or instruction on caring for your newborn, you will find yourself in the unique bind of having to figure out how to care for your infant.
Many new mothers learn as much as they can about newborn care by reading books, asking a lot of questions, and perusing the Internet. These are all wonderful ways to learn about newborns. You can also seek answers to your questions from your pediatrician and other mothers, talk to mothers at the local kiddie park, join new mom chat rooms, etc. There are many ways to find the information you need for just about every question you may have about caring for your newborn. The key is to take what you learn, try it out, and then decide for yourself whether it is right for you and your baby or not.
If you experience loneliness during your first three months as a new mother, there are things that you can do to feel less lonely. Some women are okay with the isolation they experience and even say that it is nice to have the time to just focus on the baby or that they are homebodies, anyway, so it doesn't bother them to be alone at home all day. Other women, however, are more social oriented and do not tolerate isolation very well and can become lonely. Depending on how isolated you are and how you feel about it, it can become very important to do something about it because your feelings of loneliness can influence your experience of postpartum depression.
It is important to plan ahead for the possibility of feelings of isolation and loneliness. If you know that you are the type of person who needs social stimulation and to get out of the house on a regular basis, make sure you have a plan for doing just that. One mother I interviewed said that she joined a mom's club when she was still pregnant and began to join the other moms for walks and playdates with their children before she even gave birth. She said that this "saved her life" because she needs the stimulation of other adults and does not like to be indoors all the time. Other women make sure they get together with their friends after they give birth (as soon as the pediatrician has given the okay for the baby to be outside and around other people) or they make it part of their daily or weekly schedule to take their baby for walks to the nearest park or coffee shop. I used to take my twins to the local Starbucks and neighborhood parks where I found the interactions with other mothers to be a welcome relief from my own sense of isolation, or sometimes if I was going to go stir crazy on any given day (I'm one who needs to go out of the house at least once a day or I will go stir-crazy) I would just go for a walk around the block. Not easy to do with two newborns, but it did a world of good for my mental well-being.
It is a good idea to think ahead to after you give birth and try to set a plan or structure in place to meet your social needs. That way you won't feel abandoned by others or "imprisoned" by the four walls of your home, which you will get to know REALLY well during those first few months!
Original post on New Mom Central.
[first-time mother]
[new mother]
[expectant mother]
[loneliness]
[isolation]
[baby]
[infant]
[new mom]
Monday, March 24, 2008
Sunday, March 16, 2008
First-time mothers and expectant mothers: "Real Live" Mom Advice
Once again, seasoned mothers come together to share their advice and what they wish someone would have told them when they were pregnant.
"You can get through a whole day without feeling like you've accomplished anything at all. Especially if you've just left a work life--you are used to starting a project and seeing it to its completion. You're used to cleaning house or at least yourself! LOL With a brand new baby you can spend an entire day catering to your child's needs and at the end of the day all you have to show for it is you and baby are still alive--tired, spit-up on, disheveled, but alive. it IS a big accomplishment but not one you always recognize in that bleary-eyed hormonal state."
Sandy, mother of 2
"As hard as it is, take some time for yourself as well as couple time with your husband. Get rest when you can and stay in touch with all of your friends. I had baby blues after the birth of my son. Not to the point of postpartum, but I did have the blues. I wasn't getting sleep because DS (darling son) seemed to never sleep and I was generally up with him all day and night. The best thing I did was joining a local moms club. It helped getting together with other moms that either were going through the same exact thing or who had been through it within the last three years. We were setting up playdates and going to socials and everything within a few months. It was great to know others who were in exactly the same place I was."
Ilene, mother of 1
Original post on New Mom Central
"You can get through a whole day without feeling like you've accomplished anything at all. Especially if you've just left a work life--you are used to starting a project and seeing it to its completion. You're used to cleaning house or at least yourself! LOL With a brand new baby you can spend an entire day catering to your child's needs and at the end of the day all you have to show for it is you and baby are still alive--tired, spit-up on, disheveled, but alive. it IS a big accomplishment but not one you always recognize in that bleary-eyed hormonal state."
Sandy, mother of 2
"As hard as it is, take some time for yourself as well as couple time with your husband. Get rest when you can and stay in touch with all of your friends. I had baby blues after the birth of my son. Not to the point of postpartum, but I did have the blues. I wasn't getting sleep because DS (darling son) seemed to never sleep and I was generally up with him all day and night. The best thing I did was joining a local moms club. It helped getting together with other moms that either were going through the same exact thing or who had been through it within the last three years. We were setting up playdates and going to socials and everything within a few months. It was great to know others who were in exactly the same place I was."
Ilene, mother of 1
Original post on New Mom Central
Monday, March 3, 2008
Expectant mothers and first-time mothers: Prepare for Major Life Changes
Most first-time mothers are unprepared for the major life changes and hard work that accompany the advent into motherhood. It takes time to adapt to any major life transition and a woman's transition to motherhood is one of the most difficult and overwhelming life transitions she will experience. Unfortunately, Western society idealizes motherhood so much that many expectant mothers have fairy tale expectations of what it will be like to become a mother. In this sense, they approach impending motherhood more like Sleeping Beauties than informed mothers-to-be.
Some women read books about what to expect when they're pregnant and then move on to books about what to expect after their baby is born. Unfortunately, most books only cover the caretaking responsibilities of baby and the recovery of the new mother. They do not cover the many other aspects of new motherhood that affect a woman once she gives birth. As helpful as these books can be for learning about the physical aspects of a woman's pregnant and post-birth body, or the practical aspects of meeting the needs of a newborn, they cannot prepare you for the tumultuous postpartum period that you are about to experience. Consequently, far from feeling like a benevolent maternal figure after the birth of your baby, you may find yourself in a whirlwind of chaos and confusion as you struggle to care for your new baby, while also trying to adapt to the major life change you are going through. Even if you are excited about becoming a mother, you may long for the simplicity of your old life.
Your life will change dramatically once you bring your baby home. You will be immersed in the needs and the wonder of your baby, all of your time will be devoted to the duties of motherhood, and you may feel completely isolated as you tend to the almost hourly needs of your newborn. You will not be able to socialize like you used to, and you will most certainly not be able to do any hobbies that you used to do. You will not be able to "get up and go" like you were used to, or even watch TV or read when you want to. Your time and attention will be completely usurped by this new experience and by your little bundle. But this will only last for approximately three months and then, as your baby continues to grow you will become more experienced at motherhood, your baby won't need to be tended to quite as often as when she was a newborn, and she may even begin to sleep for longer periods of time (the operative word here is "may").
As you find yourself more confined to your home during those first three months, and as you put 100% of your attention and focus onto your baby, you may begin to feel like you don't exist any more or that you no longer matter. This is a normal reaction for many women. Again, it is a temporary phase. It is natural for you to have an undivided focus on your newborn because it helps you learn how to be a mother, meet your baby's needs, and bond with your baby. However, you will need to take some breaks, for your sake and for your baby's. Almost every mother I have met has said that in hindsight, although she didn't want to leave her baby for a second, she should have taken breaks now and then so that she could nap, get out of the house, and simply take care of herself.
Rare is the new mother who doesn't experience stress, confusion, anxiety, or even resentment when she becomes a mother for the first time. So, don't expect to "breeze through" your first three months (unless, of course, you are a star in Hollywood and can afford a full-time nanny, housekeeper, and cook!). Take it one day at a time, make sure you spend time caressing your baby, rocking her, singing to her, and talking to her, and try not to worry too much. Things will fall into place. It may not feel like they are going to while you're in this learning phase, but time will pass, you will breathe again, and your baby will get cuter and cuter. :)
Original post on New Mom Central.
[expectant mothers]
[first-time mothers]
[women]
[motherhood]
[postpartum]
[life transition]
[new mother]
[mother]
[newborn]
[baby]
Some women read books about what to expect when they're pregnant and then move on to books about what to expect after their baby is born. Unfortunately, most books only cover the caretaking responsibilities of baby and the recovery of the new mother. They do not cover the many other aspects of new motherhood that affect a woman once she gives birth. As helpful as these books can be for learning about the physical aspects of a woman's pregnant and post-birth body, or the practical aspects of meeting the needs of a newborn, they cannot prepare you for the tumultuous postpartum period that you are about to experience. Consequently, far from feeling like a benevolent maternal figure after the birth of your baby, you may find yourself in a whirlwind of chaos and confusion as you struggle to care for your new baby, while also trying to adapt to the major life change you are going through. Even if you are excited about becoming a mother, you may long for the simplicity of your old life.
Your life will change dramatically once you bring your baby home. You will be immersed in the needs and the wonder of your baby, all of your time will be devoted to the duties of motherhood, and you may feel completely isolated as you tend to the almost hourly needs of your newborn. You will not be able to socialize like you used to, and you will most certainly not be able to do any hobbies that you used to do. You will not be able to "get up and go" like you were used to, or even watch TV or read when you want to. Your time and attention will be completely usurped by this new experience and by your little bundle. But this will only last for approximately three months and then, as your baby continues to grow you will become more experienced at motherhood, your baby won't need to be tended to quite as often as when she was a newborn, and she may even begin to sleep for longer periods of time (the operative word here is "may").
As you find yourself more confined to your home during those first three months, and as you put 100% of your attention and focus onto your baby, you may begin to feel like you don't exist any more or that you no longer matter. This is a normal reaction for many women. Again, it is a temporary phase. It is natural for you to have an undivided focus on your newborn because it helps you learn how to be a mother, meet your baby's needs, and bond with your baby. However, you will need to take some breaks, for your sake and for your baby's. Almost every mother I have met has said that in hindsight, although she didn't want to leave her baby for a second, she should have taken breaks now and then so that she could nap, get out of the house, and simply take care of herself.
Rare is the new mother who doesn't experience stress, confusion, anxiety, or even resentment when she becomes a mother for the first time. So, don't expect to "breeze through" your first three months (unless, of course, you are a star in Hollywood and can afford a full-time nanny, housekeeper, and cook!). Take it one day at a time, make sure you spend time caressing your baby, rocking her, singing to her, and talking to her, and try not to worry too much. Things will fall into place. It may not feel like they are going to while you're in this learning phase, but time will pass, you will breathe again, and your baby will get cuter and cuter. :)
Original post on New Mom Central.
[expectant mothers]
[first-time mothers]
[women]
[motherhood]
[postpartum]
[life transition]
[new mother]
[mother]
[newborn]
[baby]
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